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I do not think my MIL (91) is bathing. She has suspected 'small vessel disease' and exhibits symptoms of dementia. She had her haircut last week and it still has the style and curl they added to it. My son (24) lives with her but is not that aware and he is not there 24/7. My husband who is generally in denial about his mother's condition, says that if she weren't bathing she would smell. I am not sure about that, she is a petite woman and for some reason has never had to use deodorant in her life.
Is it possible that she would not have body odor? It's not like we can ask her if she showers, she can't remember what she did 5 minutes ago.

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Gosh--
Don't go looking for trouble! Many elderly people cannot bathe properly and the skin cells aren't sloughed off and there begins a cycle of smell that is almost impossible to get rid of. It gets imbedded in clothing, furniture--everything.

My mom smells to high heaven. She showered 6 weeks ago, for a granddaughter's wedding and I do not think she has showered since. I cleaned her apt a couple weeks ago and there was a rope of cobwebs from the shower head to the shower chair. It would have taken at least a month to create this.

Easy enough to find out if she's showering. Put a dry towel or washcloth in a place in the shower where it would not be able to be missed by the water. Check it daily and if it remains dry, or folded in the way you put it in there--ta-dah! Your answer is pretty clear.

It's entirely possible that she simply doesn't have an odor. Some people don't.

Also, when mom was younger, she'd get her hair done on Saturday, every week and the 'do' lasted for up to 2 weeks.
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bluebell19 Jul 2021
But borrowing trouble is my specialty ;) Thanks for the advice we are going to have son do the washcloth thing. I guess at this point without an official diagnosis I am just wondering if this is part of the disease that she may or may not have. She is trying to hide the symptoms with everything she has and is doing a good job of putting her kids in denial about it. Hence the 'borrowing trouble'.
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It’s possible that she could be not showering and not have body odor. My aunt, who was in her 90s and very petite, was not showering regularly and never had body odor (and didn’t use deodorant). But I wouldn’t worry if she’s not showering every day. Nursing homes usually only give showers to residents 2-3 times a week. If she’s not very active, once a week may be enough. Many older people hate showers so you may need to assist with it. I know this because I took care of 3 elderly family members.
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If you are concern why not set a bathing day. where you all do something special, like her nails or her toes. Or go somewhere. Then remind her to bathe. Don't worry about it/ How often we Bath is more of social construction than a health need. Different people have different needs. I don't bathe every day and haven't for years. I bathe once a week.
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bluebell19 Jul 2021
Thanks, it would be wonderful if her daughter would do something like that. I will suggest it.
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She would deffiently start having an Odor if she doesn't do something.

She may not be Showering or taking baths due to being afraid she may fall.

You might have your husband install safety bars in the shower and it tub abs have a shower seat for her to sit on.

She may be just giving herself sponge baths where she just cleans herself up at the sink which is totally fine.

You may also ask her if she still feels comfortable taking showers or if she would like an aide/Caregiver to help her.
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RedVanAnnie Jul 2021
I like your suggestion of asking her if she "still feels comfortable/safe taking showrts." Her answer might be a clue.
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bluebell19: Perhaps she requires 24/7 supervision due to the fact that she stopped paying bills, is scared at night and other things.
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Maybe she washes up with a sponge bath instead of bathing or showering.
Some people can go without deodorant or bathing and just don't smell. I don't use deodorant because I've never needed to. I was so sick one time with pneumonia that I didn't bathe or shower for over a week. I didn't smell. I've never had bad breath when I wake up in the morning either. Some people are just like that.
If Your MIL at 91 was neglecting her hygiene and not washing up, you'd know. She wouldn't necessarily have body odor, but she would smell like pee or crap. She would also smell if she was wearing dirty clothes. Does your MIL have a homecare aide going to her house? She should at her age and that person will help her shower and will let you know if she does.
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bluebell19 Jul 2021
Thank you! She sent her caregiver home. But she was just a companion. I'm thinking she now needs help with bathing. Hopefully we can find someone, the care employment situation in my area is very dire right now. I would prefer placement, but that is not my decision.
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My mother and I do not have body odor. I use deoderant but don't really need it and my mother never used any deoderant.She always smells so good. At the hospital the male assistant kept smelling my mother while he was tranporting her and he said she was the best smelling elder he ever smelled. LOL. My cousin said to my niece one day I think my s... does not stink. It is kind of a joke around here now. It it possible to give sponge baths? It seems she needs more care than family can provide. How about a home health aide?
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If she is washing her bottom areas and arm pits, she may not have much odor. Many seniors have drier skin and some have suggested that they do not need a full bath every day. Same goes for her hair. The only way to probably make sure she bathes is for you to "help" her since she might not even remember to use soap if she steps into a bath or shower.
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bluebell19 Jul 2021
Thanks, I'm not her direct caregiver my DH and SIL are, but I guess I'm more concerned with establishing that this is another level of decline that they need to address. They seem to have their heads in the sand about her condition, giving every excuse 'just getting old', 'covid dementia', etc. My SIL did say when she stopped bathing and taking care of herself, then she would move her in to her house, and I guess if that's the benchmark that will get someone to do something for this poor woman, then I'd like to establish that it has progressed to that point. If that makes any sense.
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If there is no one helping her, you will never know. You could put wifi cameras around to track her whereabouts if you're that concerned but if she doesn't smell, then she is clean. At 91, she doesn't need to shower every day and if she wasn't toileting properly you would definitely smell it. As for her hair, why not suggest helping her do it? Overall, I would be more concerned with her showering while home alone than showering at all.
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bluebell19 Jul 2021
Thanks, we do have cameras but not in the bedrooms or bathrooms so who knows. Yes, DH went over there last week and offered to help or sit while she showered and she said she just didn't feel like it. She got offended at the question. She definitely has all of those old world gender stereotypes intact in her brain. DH and SIL are so afraid of upsetting her for some reason, I've told my kids to tell me off or put me somewhere if I stop slipping, and knowing them they will. I'm certainly not close enough to her to help much, we have always had a strained relationship due to me being a working woman and maybe a bit of a feminist in her eyes.
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People vary as to their "body chemistry" and the composition of their perspiration. Some reek shortly after even minimal perspiration, while others don't even after a week (especially if inactive). Some racial/ethnic groups are more prone to it than others. Diet also plays a part. I recall reading that people who produce clear or light grayish earwax are less likely to have body odor than those who have brownish earwax.

Having said all this, it seems reasonable to encourage her to bathe at least once a week,
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