Missing clothes!! Does anyone else deal with such silliness??

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Missing clothes!! Does anyone else deal with such silliness??

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Mother has dementia, psycosis. We think her clothes might be getting thrown into the trash bin instead of a non existing laundry bin in the home. I keep rebuying her clothes (this is going on month 4) and really getting expensive. I sew in my own labels in case some things are getting picked up by laundry. But things never get returned to her room. I’ve spoken to head nurse about this but nothing turns up. We can keep buying new clothes but eventually her money will run out. Who knew THIS would become the big problem. We also buy her her depends diapers although we were told they could provide. I don’t like to complain. But gee, it’s ridiculous. Today I will take in my own laundry bin and attempt to instruct my mother to place her dirty clothes in our basket and I’ll pick up every other day and wash her laundry myself. I don’t mind at all—- I do it now for my 96 yr old MIL who still lives in her own home. Does anyone else deal with such silliness??

Alzheimer's & Dementia Paying for Care Senior Housing

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I’m in a nursing home. I stay cold so I wear a robe all the time. A resident walking by in hallway commented on my robe being pretty and said “I’m going to take that robe when it goes to the laundry. My DIL picks up my dirty gown and robe everyday and leaves me a clean. I keep one set of extras in case I bleed on something doing dialysis. Plus people roam the halls and walk in rooms. I don’t keep anything out for the people to take.

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Your mother has dementia. She could be putting them in the trash herself if she can dress or undress. My mother regularly threw street clothes away ( the wonderful woman who came to take care of her cat saw her, according to my mother it was the laundry basket, not the trash even though they were in different rooms and looked nothing the same ) and rinsed out and reused disposable incontinence panties. I’d talk to the housekeeper director ( or whatever department does the laundry) but keep in mind no telling how a dementia mind works. My mothers facility did each resident’s laundry separately so occasionally we’d miss a sock via laundry ( rather than via my mother “ tidying up” the apartment ) but no doubt other’s don’t .

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We have this every week all her clothes are marked up and we do her washing , we must have brought 30 packs of briefs , and they have all gone, But if we have any clothes in her room that don't belong to her we give them to the staff but other people let them wear there parents wear clothes that don't belong to them

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Sounds like incompetence and failure of duty of care by the home staff. I think you should do the opposite of what you are doing and should cease to provide any more clothing, or do it once more - lay it out on the bed and take a photograph and tell them this is what you expect to find next time you visit. If she is throwing it in the wrong bin it sounds like someone is stealing it as they must know it doesn't belong in bin, if they are returning it to the wrong person they obviously know insufficient about their residents. It gets sorted or you will make a complaint to the licensing authority in the state and have them turn the place upside down until it gets sorted. There is NO excuse for this to happen to any great extent.

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This drives me NUTS. I go through MILs clothes each time I am there and find things that do not belong to her yet her room number is in it. I used to return them now I just throw them away

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When my Mom entered LTC she had nine outfits. I did the laundry then. I hung them in the closet in sets because I wanted Mom to match. When I did her laundry, I left 2 sets of clothing behind. I came back the next day with 7 days of clean clothes. Once I found a weird top in Moms closet. A T shirt type with thin stripes going vertically. Moms name was in it. My mother would never wear a top like this. She was a busty woman and never would have worn a top like that. I took it to the nurses station and told them the top was not my Mom. I later found another weird top in Moms closet. This time I said something to an aide. I was then told that the aides do this. If they see something that has been donated that a resident could wear, they tag it for them. I told the aide to please not do this for my Mom. She has 9 outfits and family that can buy her what she needs.

Before you limit the amount of clothes you leave, find out how the laundry is done by talking to the laundress. At Moms they washed everyday with a 3 day turn around.

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All things go missing in a nursing home. Residents lose more than clothes. I can't tell you how many people I've known over the years whose loved ones were put into facility care and lost eyeglasses and dentures within the first week of them arriving.
There's really nothing you can do. Washing your mother's laundry at home will help to keep the clothes from disappearing, but that could have a downside too.
As I'm sure you know nursing homes don't bathe/shower or even wash up the residents daily. Also, your mother being in Depends means she's incontinent. Your washing machine at home will get what homecare workers call 'Old Stink'. You will know Old Stink when your washer gets it and no matter what you do to clean it, it never goes away. If you're going to be washing incontinence-soiled clothing at home, seriously think that over first.
As for you buying your mother's diapers, no to that. The facility supplies things like diapers and pads. The resident's family doesn't. Someone there is working a scam on you. Most likely they are billing and adding the cost of incontinence supplies to the resident's monthly bill then pocketing the difference because the family is supplying at their cost. If you're friendly with any other resident's family members, ask them if they bring in their own diapers for their people. If they are then there's a scam going on.
You would do well to not keep a lot of clothing for your mother at the nursing home. 3 or 4 pairs of pants, equal shirts, socks, and one pair of shoes. If there's not a whole closet full of clothes there, the laundry will be more careful with the few things she does have.

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Shari49: Unfortunately, items of clothing do go missing. The only remedy for this is to wash the clothing yourself.

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I am another person who has arrived for a visit and my LO is wearing clothes I have never seen before. Some of which are poorly-fitting and probably not hers. I do know she has acquired clothing from residents who have passed away- she claims the family gave her the clothing for being such a good friend to so and so while they were alive. Other mystery clothing items I think got misdirected in the laundry and ended up on LO's back! I buy and label 95% of LO's clothing so I kind of know what's hers and what's not. That said, I never made an issue of it.

The only time I searched in the laundry was when a distant, uninvolved, critical, know-it-all family member showed up at the nursing home with some clothes LO had requested be brought to her from her home (when she still had her house). Of course, the know-it-all was too busy playing "hero" and did not bother labeling anything and off to the laundry it went and it did not come back. This distressed LO so much and I was tasked with finding the stuff in an effort to calm her. As others here have stated, there was quite of bit of unclaimed stuff for me to look through.

One other option for cheap clothing would be eBay. I've had great success. Very easy to search for exact items. Some items are new and other things are not, but the listing will be clear on that. Prices reasonable and I don't have to worry as much about lost items. I just accept it's going to happen.

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I live in assisted living because I can't walk but am super high 100% functioning at 88 and take care of myself 100%. I used to be an artist and did gorgeous works of art. A few years ago I was asked to hang them in various places and I felt so good about it. Then one day I saw a big space where someone had just removed my favorite big painting - gone forever. I was furious. I was never able to find out who stole it but I immediately removed my other paintings and gave them as gifts or hung them in my room. In these facilities most people have dementia - I steer clear as far as I can and have learned never, ever have anything of value. I also had a hidden diamond ring and a gorgeous costume ring and costume ring stolen right of my room. It infuriates and disgusts me what these people are capable of doing and nothing can be done. And don't waste money on expensive items, clothing, teeth, hearing aids - they will all disappear.

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So sorry that happened to you. A large piece of artwork sounds like it took someone with a plan to get it down the freight elevator and into a van before it was missed. Sadly, the staff are sometimes not as ethical as you would expect.

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Please don't try to instruct your mother how to handle dirty laundry if she has dementia. People with dementia can't process things that require memory. She'll just forget the instructions. Speak with her case manager at her facility, and the aides. See if they know what is happening. It's possible that your mother is putting things in the garbage. You can ask them to help her change into bedclothes at night, so that they can put her laundry in the hamper or laundry bag. Also, don't get her expensive clothes. When the facility does her laundry they use hot water and hot dryer. Get clothes that are comfortable, easy to get on and off, and can take heavy-duty laundry. Good luck!

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It might help your budget if you get decent clothes for mom at thrift and consignment stores; why buy full price retail if things are going to disappear over and over. Simplify; have 'standard' items for mom, easily replaced. It's like having basic 'hand me down's' for kids...elders don't 'outgrow' things but items can go missing, so make it easy on yourself.

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This happens all the time in LTC facilities. People wearing other people's clothes. Important things like glasses and teeth go missing and are never found.
Even if you write her name in her it will make no difference. The only way to keep her clothes is if you wash them at home yourself.

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We had so many things hidden, taken, and lost that we now have a lock on moms closet door in memory care. I have a key and the staff has a key. It has helped quite a bit.

Other residents can walk into your moms room and pick up a sweater and walk away with it. Your mom can do the same. There is no way for the staff to keep track of everyone's clothes. I founds some pictures of a family that I don't know hidden in my moms room under a seat cushion. She probably picked them up in someones room and took them.

I had a wreath on moms door and it disappeared! I walked around and peaked in other residents rooms and there it was on someone's dresser.

Don't let her have anything of any value...not even name brand clothing. A locked closet really does help.

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I use to work as an aid in a nursing home. We were instructed by the head nurse to notify her when residents gave items to friends or family members. I remember the daughter of one of our residents became very upset when she couldn't locate a ring of her mother's. The Head Nurse opened her notebook and reported that the resident had given it to someone with the first name of ... The daughter realized her mom must have given it to her cousin.
Currently my 89 year old mother has short term memory issues. She lives at home alone with aides and family members helping. We keep a notebook by the phone to report where she is going and with who. Oh, and anything she gives away!

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That is an excellent procedure to follow!!

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Yes, we had this too with slippers and shoes and sweaters. My step father had dementia and was in a home. We put labels on them but in the end it was a lost cause. He lost or mistplaced some of them, and other residents took them. I do not fault the care givers in this case. Anything you cannot lock down is prone to go astray. With the right labels it may make its way back. This an inconvenient problem, keep good clean and servicable clothes around. In a common living environment with a group of people who do not know which item is theirs, this is going to happen.

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yes goodwill clothes, also place labels or mark name on outside of clothing s so that everyone can see when someone else is wearing her clothes. also if her clothes were all one color...like she only wears light blue will be noticeable.

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All Nursing Homes are awful and understaffed.

You can't keep anything, it walks away.

Nice blanket disappeared the 1st night and I was told it was at the laundry. I asked about the blanket every couple days and even went to the Laundry area to look myself but either someone took it home or it was on someone else's bed.
After a month, I just bought another one and said no one takes it that I would wash it myself.

Juse have the minimum amount of clothes and wash them yourself.

Don't have anything worth anything or it will disappear.

If they furnish diapers, let them because they get paid enough and don't do much.

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I AM grateful it’s only clothes and have used markers and hand stitched my own labels as well as the laundry putting theirs in. I will be looking now in Goodwill for her clothing in the future. I’m very grateful her hearing aids haven’t turned up missing in 4 months. I consider THAT a Miracle and I honestly should not complain. And a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE yesterday!! My mother was accepted for Medicaid. I almost fainted. It took 4 months. She was Medicaid pending for 4 months. The utter relief was unbelievable. Missing clothes is aggravating but I can live with it if I must.

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Honestly I think it’s just going to happen. One day my grandmother was wearing a turtleneck, pants, and sneakers - things I’ve never seen her wear in my whole life! We stopped bringing things, until we donated clothing there at the end. It wasn’t a battle we chose to fight.

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This post has been helpful to me. At this point, I have been buying mom clothes at the local Goodwill. She was giving away clothes and I don’t know why! She said they were not coming back from the laundry but a friend of mine was there and mom gave her some clothes and said she didn’t wear them. She even gave her a pair of new shoes. My friend called me concerned. I had not considered them being in the lost n found.

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Lots of good suggestions. Use a waterproof marker to label her clothes, makes it easier to locate them. Staff often too busy to really care about who is wearing whose clothes....and believe it is up to the laundry staff to put clothes away correctly...the care aides won't do a job that someone else is supposed to do....the idea of second hand items is good, as is making a detailed list and discussing with administrator. I bet things will be found once a particular person is assigned the job!
Be glad it is clothing and not dentures and eyeglasses that have gone walkabout!

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At one place my mom was at for rehab, they had a place where clothes without tags were hanging that was open for the families to browse through to see if any missing items were there.

But, when mom returned home, she also had a pair of lounge pants among her things with "Alice C" in them. My mom's name is not Alice.

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Thank you for your help!!

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Bet the other residents and some staff are enjoying those new clothes. List the clothing in writing to the Manager. Suggest the facility pay you for them or find them.
You may find some magically return.

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When my mother was in a rehab her clothes were regularly “lost”. I saw several of her bathrobes on other residents. I reported to the nurse and they were retrieved. She had other residents go in her room and take snacks, books, magazines, etc. She had a photo of my son’s family on her dresser. A nurse found it in another person’s room. I finally had her room changed to another hallway that had more bed bound residents. Great reduction in missing items.

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I suggest you stop buying "new" clothes.
Hit the resale stores. The clothes will be far less expensive.
Also check the facility for the "lost and found" bin. When my Husband was in rehab I can not tell you how many of his items I found in an empty room where all "lost" items went. In another place where he was for Respite an entire closet was filled with "abandoned" clothes. Some lost/found other from residents that had passed on or moved on.

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Is she in a LTC facility? If so they do provide depends. They also should be putting their own tags in the clothes. At my Moms facility they are ironed in by a special machine and can only be removed by the same machine. Sewing in can easily be removed. In Moms nursing home the aides dressed her and threw the dirty clothes in a plastic bag and that bag went into a bin. No need for a bin. Wash was done daily.

You should talk to the head laundress. Her clothes may still be in the laundry if they can't be identified. Ask her the procedure. Does she have a roommate? Check her closet. Take pictures of everything you take in. For some reason Mom was always missing the same nightgown. They found it because of the picture I took.

If you decide to take Moms laundry home to need to put signs at the head of her bed and on her closet. "Family now doing wash. Please put in bin provided". I would check this often because I have found soiled clothes in Moms wash. If its soiled, it needs to be put in a plastic bag. Also, do not machine dry clothes that have been soiled. It brings the smells back up. I soaked in vinegar water before washing. Others have said there are products out there for this stuff.

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The supplied ‘diapers’ are itchy mom says and for awhile she refused to wear anything at all under her stretchy slacks and her clothes were pooped into snd then thrown away. We ended up buying dollar store ‘depends’ which she says are comfy and not itchy and badly wears them. so we will continue buying them if she will wear them!!
she often has diarrhea and anything she will wear is worth paying for.

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Missing clothes!! Does anyone else deal with such silliness??

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