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We are a month away from moving Mom to assisted living, just waiting for a room to open up. IL has been very nice about allowing her to stay the past two months when she clearly doesn't belong there. Today she grabbed the head housekeeper and accused the housekeepers of stealing three suits. Management called me all upset. We know no one stole anything from her - she has nothing worth stealing anyway. Mom has dementia and we had been able to keep her constant accusations of stealing under control- until now. Her dementia got worse a few weeks ago, she is confused and can't remember what has been said or done two minutes ago. Forget contacting the doctor - I'm switching doctors as soon as we move her - her current doctor has pretty much written her off and frankly doesn't care and knows there is little she can do to fix a 100 year old with Alzheimers. She'd just write a prescription which Mom can't take because she isn't responsible enough to take medicine on her own. My sister and I are not able to take her into our homes, so now what do we do if we can't get her under control? How do you convince someone with dementia to shut up or she will get kicked out?

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Sweetheart, oh you poor honey! Deep breaths, and again!

Mom has dementia. You can't explain anything to her. "Yes mom, we reported it. It will be taken care of" is about all you can do. This is the natural progression of the disease; it's not your fault and it's not her fault!
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Oh. You are expecting your mom to be reasonable, but she was not all that reasonable even before her reason was gone, and she sure isn't going to be now. You don't need to keep hitting your head on that particular wall. If anyone could give you lessons in subject-changing and therapuetic fibbing and omitting, that would be great, but you will probably have to teach yourself just like the rest of us did. On the other hand, if maybe you gave her enough repetition and associated embarrassment she actually remembers not to go on another rant for a couple of days or more, well done. Try not to let the reality of this make you feel like a failure. It's her mental status, not yours - her life sadly misspent, not yours. You can still go enjoy a sunset or a lovely clear day and actualy relate to a fellow human being without being totally focused on your favorite tchochke or knick knack being missing.
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I once walked a mile to a WalMart to get my mom a tea towel that looked enough like the one she said was gone missing...but it was OK, I needed the exercise. :-)
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Would it be possible to hire an aide to spend time with your Mom during her waking hours for the month?
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Just to clarify, I'm not saying outright lie or treat her like her concerns don't matter...exmaple "fib" would be something like "Momma, look they found your three suits! Someone just put them in the wrong room. They sure do get confused around here sometimes, don't they?"
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Get her medicated NOW so she behaves at ALF in a month. Antidepressants take a month to kick in. I would also think she would get anxiolytics for a week or two as she settles in.
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Oh AmyGrace. How hard! Are you sure assisted living is enough? I assume you have discussed her needs specifically with them.

Have you talked to the maids and explained her dementia and that she will be leaving as soon as a room opens up? While your mom's behavior is very common in dementia it may not be something these maids have experienced and some reassurance might help smooth things over and also be educational for them.

Hang in there! It is just one more month ...
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OMG she needs medication, probably an SSRI. You might be able to hire an elder care coordinator or someone to remind her to take medication, but it would be pricey. I would think a long acting injectable antipsychotic would be too risky, but possibly, would your doc consider putting her on Emsam (selegiline patch) if she would leave it on, at the lowest dose? If not the only other thng to try would be diet modifications such as getting her to eat coconut products or other MCTs, and more apple juice, cranberry juice, and such that have mannose, ribose, and other sugars that enhance brain function a little.
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Thanks everyone for your support! We know its dementia, we know its because she was impossible and difficult and always saw the glass as half full even when she was "normal". My prayers are just that we can get her through the next month or so until we can move her. I don't want to move her twice. I had hoped if I scolded, scared and embarrassed her enough she would keep her mouth shut for at least long enough for that to happen. No matter how many times or whatever we do to convince, show her, or just "lie" about the suits, etc it doesn't matter. She is satisfied and convinced only until the next day when the paranoia and accusations begin again. "Whos on first, whats on second" She was so embarassed yesterday that she said she wouldn't ever see anyone, yet, when my sister called her at 5, she had already gone to dinner - so she probably got over it after a couple of hours. I haven't called her yet because if we call before late morning we are treated to her "weak" voice sounding like she is dying and hearing about how bad she feels. Until she is distracted and then her voice changes and she's fine. Ten years ago it was panic attacks in the middle of the night when she would call my sister saying she was dying. She would call the ambulance, poop all over the bed, etc and two hours later she would be back home, just fine except the family got no sleep. She got over that really quick when she was moved to IL. She had two mild attacks and a trip to the hospital twice. After that they miraculously stopped, probably because there was no family close enough to "rescue her" and the IL people didn't fawn over her. Sorry again everyone. I do love my mother, but after years and years of her being a victim, I'm just so tired. My sister and I have all kinds of health problems starting from my 50's. And here is this parent who is never ill, never has a headache, and has nothing, I repeat nothing wrong with her, no meds and is still ambulating at 100 years old. She's had no money worries ever, lives in a lovely place and all she does and has done is play victim. I guess I just resent it a little!
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Sad story - the rest of us would really, really make it a point to ENJOY such good health and do something productive with it! Here's hoping the holding pattern holds out and you end up with mom in a good ALF and find yourselves having a much better 2015!
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