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Examples include a king size bedspread set, a king size down comforter, and a bra. All of these items are still in the original packaging. She is mad because she believes we (my sister and I) are trying to "pull something over" on her with the bedding and she hashes over and over who could have put the bra in her closet. I've tried to get her to explain what she means about "pulling something over" on her but she just becomes angrier. I finally brought the items to my own house, but she still discusses how she didn't buy them...


Mom refuses to to talk to a doctor about her memory so I don't know if she has dementia or Alzheimer's. Is her anger about the items that she doesn't believe she purchased a sign of one of those? Any suggestions how I can get her to stop focusing on it?

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It sounds like dementia. UTIs in the elderly can cause this sort of behavior also so either way.....she needs to go to the dr for a full work up.
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krislink Jan 2021
Thank you worriedinCali.
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I agree with Cali, especially if you are noting some other signs. She needs to be evaluated. Now it is just possible that there was some mixup if these things came together, but without the packaging and a way to check where they came from you cannot know that.
What other signs are you seeing?
You can get a dipstick from pharmacy to test the urine.Certain indications would let you know she needs a urine culture at the least. This can have profound effect on a senior's mind. Start keeping a diary of what you see and hear. And do also be certain that paper work is in for POA should you require it.
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I agree with both Cali and AlvaDeer. Your Mom is 83 (according to your profile) so alzheimer's / dementia are a big possibility. I noticed little things that weren't "normal" with my Mom when she was in her late 80's but these diseases can happen at any age.

When my Mom became worse I got POA, sold her house and moved her in with me so I could take care of her. I didn't know how to respond to her so I joined this forum which has been a lifesaver for me.

Members advised me to watch Teepa Snow youtube video's which I did and I learned how to respond to my Mom without upsetting her or arguing with her (which I did in the very beginning). I would correct as well as remind her which was non-productive since it only upset her.

I learned how to "go along" with her even if what she was saying was (and still is) not true. I agree with her (which validates her feelings and thoughts) and then redirect the conversation. It takes practice.

P.S.: My Mom didn't get tested until much later on (she saw a neurologist due to her chronic headaches and he tested her and told me she had both alzheimer's and dementia). I knew her mind was going just by her actions and words as she didn't act like the mother I knew when she was younger.

Best to you!
Jenna
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Dementia is much more than her accusing you of trying to pull something over on her. What other unusual behavioral signs do you see besides memory loss? Does she appear to be confused a lot? Does she have difficulty finding the correct words to use when speaking? Is she stable on her feet? Can she use appliances properly? The answer to these and many other questions can more accurately clue you in to the cause of her behavior. The suggestion of journaling her behavior is an excellent one to be able to discuss with the dr. because your mom may deny any of it. Does mom have regular checkups? You may have to wait till then to get her in. Whenever that might be, request that she be screened for dementia.
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