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My mother believes we are "hired" actors to be her family and have been plotting to have her hospitalized. She wants to have us arrested and refuses to see us. It is just the 3 of us, no other family. We have been caring for her for several years but it is just recently the confusion and agitation started. She was in a nursing home for PT rehab due to poor mobility as a result of significant fluid and weight loss. Her sleep patterns are all over the place and she has been refusing to eat. She has had multiple hospital stays since June due to the fluid problem. In some areas she seems very clear but when it comes to me and my dad, she is convinced we are other people and out to get her. She has accused me of stealing their money, remortgaging their home, etc. We don't know if it's dementia, the Dr's are saying delusions and some sun downers right now.

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How heartbreaking this must be for you. Are the doctors explaining what they think might be causing/contributing to her delusions?

I think probably the best thing you can do is comfort your father through this horrible phase. Keep going to the hospital, but perhaps keep a low profile until you can gauge what frame of mind your mother is in at that moment; and keep your father out of the firing line if your mother is being combative. Take care of each other. I hope there's better news very soon.
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This sounds very upsetting for you and your dad. I hope the Dr. is giving your mom anti-anxiety medication while they figure out what's going on.

As for how to deal with it, right now it's just one day at a time. It might help for you and your father to visit your mom separately if seeing the two of your antagonizes her.

If she's delusional while you're there don't try to convince her that what she thinks isn't real, it will only agitate her more. Hold her hand or kiss her on the forehead, whatever you're comfortable with. Be comforting and supportive. If she's agitated already or begins to get agitated cut your visit short.
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Have your Mom tested for a UTI ASAP if you haven't already. My FIL had several episodes of apparent full blown dementia (didn't know who we were, didn't know where he was, etc) and each time the NH would start talking about Sundowners, stroke assessment, dementia, and; each time we would insist on a UTI test and, it would come back positive and after a couple of doses of antibiotic he would be his old, perfectly cognitive self. You would think it would be the first guess for the medical field since it's so common in the elderly but, we didn't find this to be the case.
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No real answers from me other than a suggestion to really support your dad, as I'm sure you are, during such a difficult and sad turn of events. I'm sure this is heartbreaking to watch and very hard on you both. Blessings to you both
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You should read the article on Capgras Syndrome:

www.agingcare.com/articles/Caring-for-a-Loved-One-with-Capgras-Syndrome-197688.htm
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I am a bit surprised doctors haven't mentioned Capgras syndrome. Even just knowing this is common enough for there to be a name for it should provide some comfort.
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The medicine that they give to your mom does have side effects like hallucinating and Urinary tract infections often cause hallucinations sometimes just going along with whatever is in her mind at different times is easier to that way with dementia you have to be careful what she sees on tv if she gets to watch it I usually just talked about the weather something not too personal depending how that feel day to day
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Sometimes we need a two-pronged approach.

Keep working on her behalf to see if a solution can be found , as in the suggestions above, and then...

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. It is painful but no one is to blame. Sometimes we have to accept and let god do his/her work.

Hugs!
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It sounds like she had delirium triggered by her recently hospital/rehab stays. This can take weeks to months to resolve, and in some older adults it can "unmask" an underlying dementia.

I would recommend you learn more about delirium treatment. You should be careful about medications for anxiety/agitation, as many of them can worsen or prolong delirium.

Impostor delusions in older adults are virtually always associated with other brain function problems. These can be chronic, like in Alzheimer's and other dementias, or they can be new and due to illness or medication side-effects. Studies estimate that 10-30% of dementia patients can experience impostor delusions. So doctors don't talk much about Capgras because they are likely lumping it within the spectrum of dementia behaviors/dsyfunctions (which is reasonable, although note that most doctors and hospitals still do a bad job of managing dementia and delirium, which is NOT reasonable and is a focus of improvement within healthcare circles).

Good luck, I hope she gets better soon.
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Yes, it is dementia. I'm living with similar symptoms, but my husband still recognizes me. Every day about 3:30 he gets agitated with sundowners, and I have to take him for a walk, to our dog park or for a ride. Then he will calm himself. You and your father will just have to understand that with dementia comes personality changes (not for the better), and the paranoia about stealing, lying and not recognizing you are all part of this horrible disease. This is a terminal illness, but as the disease progresses, symptoms do subside and she will no longer be able to talk and communicate. Just keep hanging on and recognizing she is not responsible for her illness, and you just have to be as patient as you can be with her. Give yourselves breaks too because this illness is exhausting for the caregiver! Best wishes.
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