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I'm trying to help my mother apply for various social services including Medicaid so that we can get her assessed for her increasing memory problems and delusions.


I just got her set up for an in-home assessment. After I let her know what they needed, she informed me that her wallet had been "stolen" (pretty sure lost) with both her driver's license and social security card in it.


She doesn't know where her birth certificate is. When I look at websites for replacing her license (IL) or birth certificate (IN), they are all dependent on having at least one of the other documents.


Has anyone had any luck replacing ALL forms of identification? Or gotten senior services without them? The only good thing is she was able to accurately identify her social security number.

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Her doctors office might have photo copies of ID and SS/Medicare card in case you need them sooner that jumping through the hoops to replace might take.
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Get a copy of YOUR birth certificate.  She is your mother, and her name will be on that.  Work backwards.  SS will replace the card, but you have to contact them about it and wait for it to come in the mail.
Go to your DL Dept. and ask for a replacement DL for her.  Go to her doctor's office or any other office where they have had to copy her DL and SS card and ask for a copy of it while you are waiting for the copies from the government agencies.  See if agencies will fax stuff to you to get it to your faster.  Offer to reimburse for emergency replacement on items if they will overnight it to you.
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gdaughter May 2019
responses on here are so amazingly informed and clever! I am not going to delete this until I write it all down! One thing I did as mom's dementia evolved was take everything away from her...I keep the originals in a safe place and made color copies that be with me or them. When the new medicare cards came out it was a nightmare because she is with it enough to watch for and grab the mail...and sure enough, it came, she got it...But one day while she was sitting and I was standing next to her chair waiting for the MD, I spotted the red/white/blue stripe in her purse...and I just reached down and snatched it. She can be challenging and it was the best move...
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The real ID has been all over the news for months because of an issue with the CA DMVs failing to obtain the correct verifying documents. I am surprised people are just now hearing about the real ID, it was announced quite a while ago. It certainly won’t be a bad thing, that’s for sure. Those who are home bound or in a facility won’t need one unless they plan to board a plane. I just feel bad for the million people who have to go back to the DMV and go through the process AGAIN because their Real IDs are not federally compliant.
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JoAnn29 Apr 2019
NJ is also behind in getting this done.
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Hoping to keep this thread going, because when I took hubs to the DMV to renew his I.D. , the soon and coming "REAL ID" was introduced to us. Next year, 2020, a "real id" will be required to do many things.
Fly on a plane?
Go to another state?
Enter a Federal Bldg. : SS, a courthouse, etc.?

I have never heard of the DMV REAL ID until now. A federal thing, not just California.

The documentation required to obtain one is mind boggling.
If you have a passport, it has to be renewed and current, for example, if you want to use this form of ID.

Will this be a good thing, I wonder?
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disgustedtoo May 2019
I only heard about Real ID indirectly from my daughter - when she said she had to renew/get her real ID, I asked her if she was using a fake one! I do not watch TV nor do I get a paper. All my "news" is from the internet and I had not seen anything about it. She lives in MA, so I poked around some for NH. At first they rejected the whole idea, but now it is available but not required by the state. Of course it would be needed to board planes, enter federal buildings (courts, etc), but I have no plans to do any of this, so my renewal, hopefully, will be done online and not require all this hoopla.

Will it help? Who knows. Nefarious people have been forging stuff (money, IDs, etc) for MANY years, even in the early days of coinage! Not only did they produce fake coins, they "clipped" coins to nip bits of silver which over time would add up to enough to make another coin or melt them together and sell as just gold or silver. This is why we have ridges on our coins (1792 in the US although using actual gold and silver went away later, so there is none in regular US coins today - the process started earlier in England, but was used for all coins there starting in 1662.) Although more difficult, I am sure there are those out there who will attempt to make fake Real IDs... The bottom line is will those who have to look at the ID be able to determine if it is real or not?
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Good Luck ! I just went through this with my MIL, who literally was dropped off at my house with nothing but a bag of urine smelling clothes.
It took almost three months to track down her birth certificate and her two marriage certificates, as well as getting her social security card.
At that point I could finally get her a state ID card, which allowed me to finally straighten out the mess she had made with her Social Securty and Medicare accounts.
I literally thought I was going to have a nervous break down because she has Dimentia (LBD), and decided to rummage through the folder of all her paperwork the morning I was taking her to MV for her id.
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When I went to the courthouse to file Emergency Guardianship papers, I thought, hey, I'm here, so I'll pick up copies of mthr's birth and marriage certificates for my daughters' American Heritage Girls family project! Little did I realize how convenient they would be later that day when my attorney said we needed to get her an ID from the DMV.

To get the forms, I did have to show my ID, but since I'm her daughter it was not a problem. It was a small fee.

The DMV wanted her SSN and we just had come from her CPA's office and had copies of old tax forms. A 1040 with SSN was allowable as proof of SSN.

When I came up to the examiner with the paperwork and he asked me what we were there for, I naturally said, "For an ID card." The agent practically whispered (and she's giving up her driver license?) and I replied, "Absolutely!" He was truly happy.

Eventually we ordered her a new SS card and changed her address everywhere to a Post Office Box, a very cheap form of finding out what is actually coming to her address. At the end of the year, every bank account and stock should send a tax form of some kind, and we were able to change her address with all of those in hand. She could not lose those documents if she never saw them. Yes, we had POA.
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You can get a form of ID through Vital Records, which is an online site. It's been years since I had to use their services. Ergo, I cannot remember if you may have to pay a small fee.
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We had similar problem and it was only solved because our bank in a small town notarized our request for marriage license.
We started with birth certificate which for some reason was pretty easy to get as long as you know state and county and date.
Marriage license was more difficult because when we went to notarize the request form the bank wanted to see her ID. We didn't have any, that's why we needed the marriage certificate.
Knowing is and understanding or situation really helped as they kinda fudged and notarized the form without it.
After we got the marriage license, we were able to get the state ID and now we are able to get a new social security card. We were able to scrounge up a couple bank statements and Medicare statements with her address so that part went pretty well.
Good luck!
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Several have mentioned freezing credit. Freezing credit is a good thing to consider, and not just for seniors or those with dementia.

Because about 4 years ago an idiot at an attorney's office sent mine to me via email for me to confirm it, I immediately froze my credit! I also added alerts to EVERYTHING. I get alert overload for charges and periodic (some daily or weekly or monthly) balance notices - I was already careful about keeping tabs on all my accounts before this, but this ramped it up!

All she had to do really was either call me or send email requesting I call her. I started by calling her and telling her this is WRONG and why! If it was an oops moment, it still isn't good, but in this case it was NOT an oops to her. She never did understand (oh, our system is secure - sure toots, but once you click that SEND button, it isn't on your system anymore, is it?) Augh!

Unless it is some kind of secure email (I personally do not trust many of them! I was in the computer fields most of my working days...), email (and text) is NOT for sharing sensitive info! Not knowing when this might surface (tomorrow, next week, next year, three years later when maybe I have forgotten about it?), it was best for me to freeze the big three (there are some "lesser" bureaus out there that we are not exactly informed about.)

It cost me $10 each to freeze them, and another $10 one time to temporarily unfreeze one, but thankfully due to the Equifax meltdown it is now free for everyone (until gov't sticks their nasty nose into it!) Although I would still recommend anyone/everyone doing this, beware that it is NOT always simple. Most of the time it should be, but crap happens. Despite having a PIN, I could not complete the online unfreeze recently for the bureau when I needed to buy a car with a loan. I waited until Monday and was able to complete it by phone (NO live person.) Because the dealership f'ed up, I had to do it again and the second time NEITHER option would work! I managed to find another phone number on their website and by going through the menus that were presented was finally able to get a real person on the phone. Same questions asked as online and robo-phone-menu, same answers given, and he was able to make it work! Go figure.

But, doing this will most likely prevent anyone opening new accounts, renting, etc in your name going forward. That means even if your personal info is already hacked and out there, it can keep those thieves from getting anything new. Credit card info might be out there too, so there are still ways for thieves to rip you off (alerts, keeping eye on your accounts and periodically checking your credit reports helps with these.)

A place to start for information only:

https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/7-things-you-need-to-know-before-freezing-your-credit/

While there is one weblink that can be used to request your free credit report from any/all of the three, you will have to contact each bureau in order to freeze (you can do this for FREE, don't sign up for or use those places that charge you!)

Recommendation is to severely limit or eliminate credit cards (ESP debit cards) for those who are intellectually challenged (dementia.) I took over mom's finances years ago, and despite having POA, the one credit card she had would not allow me to have online access, nor would they, even in writing, set up alerts (I could check the account by phone, but I wasn't about to check it daily!) The only thing I was able to do besides change mailing address to me was have her credit line seriously reduced. Although CC companies generally say you are not responsible (some say after first 50), who wants to fight about 14,000 in bogus charges!?!?!?! She had no need for that much. I eventually froze the card through them, and later closed it. (before the move to MC, she "lost" the card.. really it was in her purse, wrapped up in a receipt instead of put back into her wallet.)
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Start first by getting a replacement SS card. You are allowed so many a year. Then call the county courthouse where she was born to get the certified birth certificate., It's easier getting a drivers license if you have a passport but this is a start.
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Long long ago in another life I misplaced my license. They required 3 picture IDs to replace it and this was back in the day when your license was probably the only picture ID one might have! I did have a passport (expired, but still accepted) and a lame student ID, but still, most people would not have those. Some recommendations were to bring in bills showing name and address. Funny that some guy who came in AFTER me got his with virtually NO ID! Today they have to be more careful, but the best option is to contact them by phone if you cannot find these items.

In your case, IF you are local to mom, I would suggest an in-depth search of her home, if possible. More than likely she tucked it away somewhere and thinks it is lost or someone took it. Have someone take mom out or keep her busy while you search - look anywhere and everywhere! Even in MC mom still "hides" her purse (nothing of interest, no cash, no CCs, just an expired license and possibly her old SS/Medicare cards or a copy.) Most of the time now she doesn't cart it around with her like she did initially, and more often than not has no idea where it is! I have searched for it a few times and it is NEVER in the same place!

When still living alone, our mother often misplaced or could not find items and accused others of taking them. Nope. We found most of it later on cleaning out the condo after moving her to MC. She also told me she did not have/lost her Medicare card when we went to a first appointment with a skin doctor - since at that time the SS# was Medicare #, they accepted just the number. While riding to appointments and/or sitting in the waiting room, she would rifle through her purse and wallet, section by section. While she was doing this once, Look! there it is! I snagged it and didn't give it back. I have since signed on as rep payee for SS, so the new Medicare card came to me and I hang onto it!

Contacting by phone the places that you need new IDs from and explaining the situation, perhaps they would be best to advise you in any alternative proof of identity you can give them. Hopefully you have POA, which can help immensely! There are so many dealing with various types of dementia now that many people can be very understanding of your situation. For license, I would look into getting a state ID rather than a new license. Presumably she isn't driving!! Call ahead and see what can be provided as proof. She'll have to go and have a picture done (depending on how old the license was, she probably would need that too, so if you have to go and she can go, get the ID rather than a license.)

If you call SS, call the local office - calling the main number results in a LONG wait and probably they will refer you to a local office. Since she would have SS payments, statements, tax paperwork from them, bringing those along with mom (assuming she can ride along and tolerate the wait, do call ahead for appointment) can expedite. They might even be able to just mail new ones without a visit, IF she has not moved. Another option is perhaps requesting the SS/Medicare cards online. If she does not have an account with SS/Medicare, create one and more than likely they have a replacement card option - worth a try, so long as she has not moved since getting SS/Medicare.

The birth certificate is a whole other issue being out of state. Again, best bet is to call the town office and inquire as to what you would need to get a certified copy. I'm sure there are many people who have moved MANY miles away from where they were born and need a copy without having to travel all the way back!
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If her DL isn't expired (and maybe even if it is) you should be able to either get a replacement or an ID card using the current photo fairly easily...unless your state is changing over to "enhanced" and she hasn't gone through that process...I would try DMV first. That at least gives her picture ID, then that can be used to help get replacements for her SS card and her birth cert providing you have the other info for that. I was able to send for mine in the mail for instance. Does she have her Medicare card, maybe the new one was sent to her even? That should help with and be needed for some of what you are doing. Also does she have a regular PC or medical providers, has she been in the hospital at all? Any of them may very well have a copy of her ID as well as Medicare/insurance cards on file.
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worriedinCali Feb 2019
unfortunately some DMVs will not give you a replacement ID without showing your SS card. California is one state that won’t. You have to show your SS, proof of identity (birth certificate) and proof of residency.
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I hope you have a better time of it than I've had trying to get my mom a state ID after she moved in with us. Her FL driver's license expires next year and the only way we can get her a current state ID is with a certified copy of her marriage license to her first husband. We have the divorce decree (typed carbon-paper copy no less - LOL) but she was only 15 when she married my dad and has no idea what county she was in other than it wasn't the one where she lived and that it was south of Indianapolis. //facepalm// (BTW, I did find a very helpful woman at the IN state historical division who not only spent a lot of time with me, she even did research on her own and called me back as we tried to figure out how to find the marriage license. It brought tears to my eyes that a complete stranger would go through all that trouble.)

I'm saying all of this because the paper trail regulations from Homeland Security requires everything be documented. It can become frustrating, no doubt. I am seriously considering setting up an account with Ancestry to see if I can find a copy of the certificate, and thereby the county information, that way.

Oh, and having worked at a credit reporting agency for 14 years, please do make sure you verify your mom's credit reports are not hacked. You can do so with Credit Karma or a similar company. You can have all 3 of the credit agencies freeze her report for no cost and all at one time now, too. You can even place a message on the credit reports indication the loss/stolen ID and credit cards.
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Live247 Feb 2019
Kirahfaye, how do I do this for my mom? I mean, a credit freeze or check for another person? I need to do this for my mom but have no idea how.
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First do your own thorough search of her place for those items - I mean in the linen closet, between mattresses, behind furniture, EVERYWHERE - this could help - your mom may balk at this intrusion of her space so can you get someone else to take mom out while you do this

My mom with dementia successfully hid her birth certificate & social insurance card [ same is USA social security] for over 3 years in the NH - I found them long after I had to get them replaced -

When we cleaned out their home we found money in towels, bank statements under the shelf paper in the linen closet & we sent a dresser off to the auctioneer who found a package of 6 $50 bills [kudoos to his honesty] & we thought we had checked it out - if your mom is saying it was stolen then that could be an early sign of dementia where they hide things so they can't be stolen & forget but their mindset is for things to be stolen so when they can't find it then it is stolen

If she was baptized then try there first as that is semi-official & gives you something - I was able to get my mom's by applying to a gov't website - I asked for the 'long form' which has more info on it & while I was at it I also got a copy of her marriage certificate [long form] & my own birth certificate [long form] - these turned out to be handy when both mom & dad passed away as I needed them to complete some of the paperwork at the funeral home as here they now take the deceased person's parents names & where they were born as part of the record

So while you are at it try to get everything maybe a short version for her to have but keep a copy of everything for when not if you need it - you may need your grandparents names & some identify info on them to get those documents
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gdaughter May 2019
God they are creative and clever in spite of dementia aren't they? LOL. Do tell...where in the dresser were the stacks of $50 bills? We're missing wedding rings...both hers and my dads. Always appreciative of a new place to look!
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On my mother's birth certificate her first name was spelled wrong. It can be replaced but takes awhile. My sister went to the court house and filled out the proper paper work to send out of state. Don't be in a big hurry but it is possible. Good luck!
DL
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This is a good time to remind everyone that you should NEVER carry your Social Security card in your wallet. Put it in a safe place in your home, or a safe deposit box. Make a photocopy to keep in your paper files if you can't remember the number. You need your SSN when you open a bank account, borrow money, and file your taxes. It was not meant to be an identification card.

Ditto with your Medicare card, if it still has your SSN as your Medicare I.D. number.

And while we're at it, simplify the credit cards for your parents. My mother-in-law has ONE credit card, and a debit card for each of her two bank accounts. Would not be difficult to freeze/stop if she were to lose her wallet.
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Does your Mom have a safety deposit box at the bank? If she does, it could be that her birth certificate is there.
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Freeze her credit just in case her wallet was lost or stolen. You have to do it with all three credit agencies.
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lablover64 Feb 2019
Has that changed? When I used to work for the Attorney General's office a few years ago, you only had to call one and the other two were automatically notified.
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Well, I'd be concerned if all is lost about identity theft, and look up the resources on that to report it... Maybe a tax return, or info from someone even long ago who did her return? The license bureau may have some idea as well. Or SS...My mom had more than one wallet and many purses...
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I think you live too far away from your mother to go to her home, don't you?

The thing is, I think possibly a lot of time and trouble might be saved if someone could go to her home and help look for these things. Even if her wallet had been stolen, it's not like she'd have been carrying her birth certificate around in it; and how did she identify her social security number? - presumably not from memory; and all in all I'd get a strong impression that these documents aren't so much lost as just out of sight, out of mind, and she doesn't know where to begin looking for them. It may well be that they're not at all hard to find.

I understand that you wouldn't want a complete stranger rootling around among her personal papers, but is there anybody trustworthy you could call on to go and have a quick look?
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jacobsonbob Feb 2019
Social Security numbers are used in so many things that it is easy to remember them. When I was in graduate school, test scores were listed next to people's SS numbers (shown in full back in the mid-1970s!). Because the first three digits correlate with locality of birth, those of us who came from a different region of the country could be recognized as being the owner of a number different from most of the others. (For example, one professor claimed he had never seen a SS number that started with a 1 before the class I was in!) Although these numbers are still used quite often, only the last four digits are typically shown.
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Request a Social Security card replacement...then order birth certificate.
Then go to the DMV and get an ID card...

We have always been asked for ID, so I think it's important.
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My mother in law's purse was stolen by a young man we'd hired to help us do some yard work. We just went to the Driver's License office and got a replacement. In TN, they keep a digital copy on file. Didn't even have to get a new picture made. As for her SS card, we got her a new one. The debit cards and stuff we put a stop on and got the bank to send her new ones. Had to get her a new cell phone too. But we knew her purse was gone a few minutes after he stole and took off so we were pretty much were right on top of it. And he made it pretty obvious that he had taken it, but was gone before the Sheriff's Dept made it here.
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My husband lost his Social Security Card and they wouldn’t replace it because his driver’s license was expired. Someone came to our home, took his picture and sent us a State I.d. Card. Then I was able to replace his SS card. You can also get a birth certificate copy online. It takes a while but it can be done.
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You should be able to get a certified copy of a birth certificate online, rather painlessly. Your own b/c shows your mother's name so this is a starting-place document to use.
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thepianist Feb 2019
A related point: if you have in-home care of any kind for an elderly person, DO lock up things like SS cards, bank statements, check books, deeds, birth certificates and other important or confidential records. The news is full of wonderful caregivers who end up cheating elders out of thousands of dollars (or more).
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I was able to get copies of my mother's documents using my POA, my photo ID, and in a couple of cases my birth certificate (proving I was her daughter).

I have a encrypted flash drive on my key chain with all my important documents (IDs, POAs, custody orders, etc) and I have them in a protected folder on Google drive so I can access them from my smart phone. As a techie, I consider this safer than having the physical documents in my purse. I'm terrible at remembering to place the latest proof of insurance in my car, but the cops accept the photo on my phone as proof the insurance is still current.
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busymom Feb 2019
That is a great idea! I wish I was a techie so I could have figured that out. Perhaps I'll begin a process like that for future use of mine and my husband's important info. Hopefully there is a website that can walk an older, not tech savvy woman though this—at least I know how to Google!
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Great advice above, FATCAT, so I'll take a different tack: do you have GDPOA (General Durable Power of Attorney) for your mother? If not, would your mother sign one while she still can? This way you have the authority to act on her behalf with all government and financial agencies.
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If her wallet and ID were lost or taken from her outside the home, the first thing you need to do is file a report with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) at IdentityTheft.gov. You can also call the FTC Identity Theft Hotline at 1-877-438-4338. Then, contact one of the three major credit bureaus to place a fraud alert on her credit records (Equifax: 1-888-766-0008). Her birth certificate should be filed in the county clerk's office where she was born. You'll likely have to pay more for an official copy with the county stamp, but that is what you will need to get a duplicate Social Security card for her. Usually have to go in person to a Federal Social Security office for that. I learned all this when my mom's purse was grabbed off a bench in a mall where she had been sitting. I cancelled all of her credit cards and never renewed them. I also took copies of her info, i.e. license, SS card, insurance card, and kept them in my purse for use at her doctor's office, hospital ERs, etc. The originals went into my locked filing cabinet.
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needtowashhair Feb 2019
Now that credit freezes and unfreezes are free and fast, I would do that. Fraud alerts simply tell anyone wondering about opening a credit line that there is an alert. They can choose to ignore it. A credit freeze won't give a creditor any information about you. Which most creditors find so offputting to definitely not open a new line of credit. It's more likely to prevent a fraudulent credit line being opened in your name. My credit has been frozen for over a decade. Even before it was fast and free. I think everyone should freeze their credit since it's so easy to unfreeze now. It used to cost a fee and take days. Now it's free and at most takes an hour or two. Most agencies do it instantly.

That only addresses opening new lines in your name. You have to call each credit card company to report a stolen or lost card so that people can't use your existing lines.

Make sure you deal with the bureau that reports on bank accounts too. A lot of people don't think about that. Fraudsters use your ID to open bank accounts. Some did that with my info once. I didn't know for years until I went to open up a new account and I got rejected since they said I had a history of bouncing checks. I was shocked. I've never been late on a payment let alone bounce a check. Turns out someone opened an account using my ID. Took a while to correct. Mostly correct anyways. That's fraudsters fake address is still listed as one of the addresses I lived at. I've never even been in that state.
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Is your mom currently in Illinois? It looks like you can request a replacement through the mail but it may only be if you are outside of Illinois. You probably already read this www.cyberdriveillinois.com/departments/drivers/drivers_license/dlfaq.html
it says you can email them to request a duplicate ID by mail. I would just email them and request a duplicate ID.

have you checked to see if the birth certificate can be ordered online? Some counties don’t request photo ID. Strange I know. I’m not in Illinois so this isn’t helpful but I had to get a copy of my birth certificate yesterday, strangest thing ever I have no idea where it is! Should have been in the safe with my husband and Children’s birth certificates and social security cards but it’s not there and I can’t get a Real ID drivers license without it! Anyway I had the option of ordering one online. If I did it through the mail, I had to go to a notary and send a copy of my ID. I just went in person to get it and did have to show my ID!
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BeckyT Feb 2019
I believe you should be able to order a birth certificate for your Mother, using your ID. There is a drop down menu, from which you pick your relationship to the person on the Birth Certificate. Best of luck.
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