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She never tells me important stuff. Mom's fixation on random unimportant things is starting to drive me nuts! Whether it's things she needs or things she feels need to be done.She will tell me she needs paperbags or something not crucial and then tell me, "no hurry" but from that point on, she constantly asks until I give her what she wants and I do just to shut her up no matter how ridiculous it is. This is constant. It's always something. She lives with me and will panic that the garbage can hasn't been set out for the collectors when it's way too early, is this the dementia getting worse? Sometimes I feel like she is playing me to get me to do whatever she wants and when I finally get irritated and tell her these things are not emergencies and that I will take care of them just not that second, she gets pouty and apologizes and then I feel bad ontop of irritated. Then I get things for her as requested and it isn't quite what she wanted. Sometimes it's all I have not to lose it. I have had discussions about this behavior with her and she agrees that most of her requests are not critical but she goes right back to the same behavior. Anyone else go through this? She never tells me important stuff like she isn't feeling well or she fell until I discover something isn't right.

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Don't wait until you lose it!

She is doing this stuff to have some control over her environment, not to drive you crazy. I know exactly the behavior you are referring to, and it is maddening. Try to distract her early, before you get mad.

Would it work to post a list of all of her requests, and then tell her or write down when you will be able to get them for her? She wants to know that someone remembers her thoughts.

And/or medicate her. It would not be in order to shut her up. It would be in order to relieve her anxiety, which is not pleasant for her. Good luck.
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omg my mom did this in the moderate stage... she is more severe now, but when it was moderate, she would ask about, for example, getting plants for the yard. Then it would be like an OBSESSION to get the plants. When will we get the plants? Make sure you remember we need the plants. When are we going to pick out the plants? Do you think we'll be going out for the plants today? Remember we need plants.... ARGHHHHH!!!!! Yes! Yes, this is common and I went through this with her. Just know you are not alone! The phase does pass (as they all do...) - Just reassure her - she is trying to have some control over something totally uncontrollable for her; her brain.
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You wrote: She just fixates because she refuses to join groups, meet new people, so she relies on me to be her whole world........ omg do you have my mother ????? This was exactly what I went through; to a tee. It does pass though. But if she has my mom's personality, eventually she may need meds as her moods get more erratic and anxious.
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I go through this all the time, Rainey, so know exactly what you're talking about. It's definitely a control issue and a mind that isn't working well anymore. They want something done and can't do it themselves. We become like a leg or arm to them that they can control. If we don't hop to it, they get upset. Mine gets angry.

I'm going through something right now with my mother. We're having some work done to route water away from the house. She has it in her mind that it is to get rid of the moss in the front yard. When I tell her it won't do that, she gets upset, because getting rid of the moss is more important than protecting the house. Yesterday I told her that she could move to an AL community nearby and wouldn't have to worry about the moss anymore. Oh, boy, did that make her mad.
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dementia is often accompanied by OCD . i feel for you cause theres nothing that bends me up worse . im a guy and all i have is a big hammer so of course everything looks like a nail . once ive hit that nail i dont plan to revisit it ..
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My dad does this, too!! He sends sis and I on a wild goose chase.
He comes up with a new item everyday.
Drives us nuts.
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At the beginning of my mom's mild cognitive decline, everything was an emergency. Getting her to a geriatric psychiatrist for meds helped. So did the distraction of loving in an independent living facility with activities and staff to look after the buildings. She was no longer " in charge" and thus had fewer worries.
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Nickki and Rainey, Same deal here times two!
Mom and dad both do it. They work each other up into a frenzy.
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Yogagirl, I cannot imagine both parents doing this, one being obsessed is enough! Please feel free to vent to me anytime, we can at least be each others support system, and believe me, I am so grateful for this website, there is only so much my husband wants to hear so I have nobody else to talk to about my frustrations with my first experience dealing with dementia. It seems all friends dissapear too because I am no longer the happy go lucky gal I used to be. Don't get me wrong, I would not wish her to be anywhere else or I would worry she was not being properly cared for and I will at least know I made the end of her life as best as I could make it for her. It's just frustrating at times going through these phases and comforting others like you and Nikki know exactly what I am talking about!
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My 90-year-old mom has been doing this type of thing regularly for some time. Having fewer than 8 or 10 eggs in the refrigerator can quickly become an egg emergency. There are other items--milk, bread, trash bags, AA batteries, distilled water--virtually anything she's either out of or is worried about running low on. If I don't get to the store the same day or the next, I'll continue to hear about it till I do....even if I've assured her it's been put on the shopping list. Fortunately, she is very sweet and kind, so it's just the repetition factor.

Keeping a copy of our grocery list on the kitchen counter where she can see it has helped somewhat.

It helps to hear that there are others with a similar situation.
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