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My Mother in Law (85) has been accusing me of theft, she stares at me, shaking her head then walks around mumbling to herself its so sad she(meaning me) she is stealing from my room. I told my husband about this, he says he has not heard her say it but she had been yelling the same thing to me in the past where he did hear it. I think he is unsure of what to do or afraid she will be angry. She did pass a written test for dementia, but I still think she has it. Is accusing family of theft common with dementia? I have not noticed memory loss with her, but I am concerned about this. She has a new Dr that she is seeing next week but if this is not addressed, I am sure this will continue, I am at a loss, her accusations are false and I want to confront her about it.
Any advice?
Thanks

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Also we have had a problem with her slamming kitchen drawers, my husband has told her numerous times to stop t. We all live in the same house and it has been disturbing our sleep. We dont know how to remedy this but she slams drawers like she is angry at someone and says she is not slamming them but we can hear it at the back end of the house.
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Riverdale Mar 2021
I hope you make this new doctor aware of her disturbing behavior especially since you live with her and are always around her and what she is doing. I would hope he would feel it appropriate to prescribe her medication that might make her mood more stabile. Obviously none of this is a gentle form of aging.

My late MIL exhibited some of this behavior leading up to the final years of her life. She was not ever violent however. My husband was her only child and she lived 6 hours away. We moved her to a facility close to us and visited. She wasn't happy but then she wasn't happy with aides who came for 4 hours a day to help. The final straw was her bank telling my husband she was coming in numerous times a day to ask their help with her checkbook and her minister being called by her neighbor and finding her naked with pills strewn all about.
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What you are explaining does seem to be along the lines with dementia. My mother did the same things and just as it came on it passed; in other words, it just stop! I think it is a phase! However, I am not sure! Have you checked out ALZ.org website? It is full of information and you can talk to someone about what you are experiencing! I found it helpful!

Speaking from experience Drs don't always get it right! Take your mom to a Neuropsych for testing! There just might be an unlined condition as well.

There are others who can help you better than I can!

Best of luck to you!
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kat1944 Mar 2021
Thank you will check out the site you mentioned!
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Make sure she is checked for a UTI. That will cause what you are describing as well.
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freqflyer Mar 2021
I agree with Glad. Time for a Urinary Tract Infection test.
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"She did pass a written test for dementia, but I still think she has it".

Family often notice things way before tests do.

"Is accusing family of theft common with dementia?"

Yes. Big time.

"I have not noticed memory loss with her, but I am concerned about this".

Memory loss is a common flag for dementia, but any change of behaviour like you mentioned is a concern. Dementia is not only memory loss, some types show deficits in reasoning or emotional response like fear & paranoia first.

Definately get a full medical review, firstly to rule things. Secondly to get as good a diagnosis as you can - by a specialist in geriatrics, not just a dementia label slapped on by a GP.
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Very common dementia behaviors. There is really no use talking to her about it, well, if you're expecting her to change. If she has dementia, you will NOT be able to convince her of anything.

I think those written dementia tests miss a lot of things. My mom can pass a lot of things but she lives with me and I KNOW that she has some pretty big deficits in some areas. But since she can do well on the things she has been tested on (had OT after her knee for memory issues) and they told her how great she's doing, she thinks she's doing fine. Yikes. She's really bad at complicated things - can't do her bills consistently or handle her meds, etc. Or make plans or figure out multi-step activities.

Anyhow, don't confront your mom. Give a pleasant, vague answer to her accusations. And move on to something else.

Banging drawers - can you put felt pads or something in there to make the drawers not able to be slammed or it will at least lessen the noise level?
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