Follow
Share

She was in hospital for 2 weeks and deconditioned, then rehab for two weeks. Before going to hospital she was walking with walker slowly back and forth around house, could stand and balance for over 5 mins. I know she's still weak, but she expects me to move her legs off the bed for her, button her pjs, hold her water cup....she can still do all that stuff! Is this typical after return from rehab?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Moving her legs off the bed might help her a bit but...
If moving her legs off the bed is difficult maybe one of the grab bars that are made to fit by the bed so that she can use it to steady herself as she moves. Or ask for in house PT to help her regain strength and it is possible that the hospital bed she was using was at a different height and being higher or lower made it easier for her to move.
Let her button her own pj's, if she doesn't give her an over sized t-shirt to put on, that will cover her if she wants to walk around in pj's. If she wants to sleep with them unbuttoned (she will find that uncomfortable as the top will bunch up) let her.
Don't hand her the juice or water, place it on a tray table next to her. If she wants it I am sure she will eventually reach for it.
Start giving her "jobs" to do. Fold towels, pair socks, put away silverware.
Just keep encouraging her.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Sneaky8 Jul 2020
Yup, she has a grab bar, but even in bed she wants me to move her legs for her. she has movement, but she wants me to do it.

She used to prep the veggies for dinner (she misses cooking dinner for us since she can't stand for long), so I'll give her a week and get her to work again.
(3)
Report
I think it will help you if instead of thinking of this being due to laziness you reframe it in you mind differently. If you approach it as her still being in recovery and exhausted to her very core, probably both mentally and physically, that will make it easier to encourage her to try harder rather than inwardly cringe at her "laziness" and lack of cooperation.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Sneaky8 Jul 2020
Thanks, I do try to think this is temporary and she will get stronger, she is just taking her time since she's 93. She's a hardy woman, walked 2 miles 3-4x/week at 87.
(2)
Report
I agree that in home PT and OT may help. This way besides the physical she will get occupational whick will help wit ADLs. Call her PCP and ask for an order.

Was Mom in a wheelchair most of the time? Therapy is usually just 1 or/and 2 Xs a day for maybe an hour. The rest they sit. Maybe an aide will walk them up and down a hall occasionally. I swore my Mom would not get therapy again in a rehab if it was just to get her strength back. I would have it done at her AL.

Get her up and walking but don't force it. Remember, Mom is 93.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Sneaky8 Jul 2020
Yup, OT, PT, nurse should be coming next week. She will need to get more active again to regain her strength. I feel rehab releases them home when they are maybe 50-70% back to baseline.
(2)
Report
Heh that is great she was able to do all those things! She will do her best again if she can for sure. OTC and in home rehab will be a great help to you. Call her MD at once and tell her/him what is going on so the in home support can happen right away. It seems you were really involved in her being as well as possible and that is exhausting. I hope I'm able to do all that if I get Demetria at 93 with the love of my family! My mom was 93 1/2 when she passed. I'd give all I have just to help her with her PJ's and walk a little once again. If she is failing get the doctor to call hospice. Hospice is not a death certificate. They can come in and if she gets better they will transition off until needed in the future. It is free and talk to her doctor. Please do get assistance for you and your mom. She would want you to do that. In answer to you question, it is perfectly normal to be set back when coming home from rehab. Out of rehab does not mean 100% back to normal. She will need some in home OTC and rehab. Please do look into hospice. I'm not sure one can be "spoiled and lazier" at 93. I don't think one can actually be considered lazy at 93. That was a bit confusing for me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Sneaky8 Jul 2020
I think lazy is probably a bad description of what she's doing. Yesterday she wanted me to bring the cup up to her and guide the straw in her mouth, later I saw her pick up her cup of soup and drink from a straw herself. Yesterday she wanted me to button her shirt, today she buttoned them all herself. At rehab, the OT had mentioned she did no ADL since she was adamant that the OT did everything for her, so the OT couldn't even get a read on her ability. She called me literally every 10-15 mins to adjust her pillow and to lift her up in her seat. I had to tell her to stop, she is not at the rehab anymore and I had a deadline at work to finish. She then only asked 5 times more for the rest of the day, and she started wiggling to adjust herself more. It's beyond frustrating, but I think after I told her she wasn't at rehab she tried more. I think she rang the bell often and the nurses just helped her all the time so she relied on that.
She is 93 and her legs are weak, but she is healthy otherwise. I read immobility will bring a host of problems quick though, so I want her to at least move a little, even in her seat.
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Um. It slightly sounds like the opposite of what is supposed to happen!

But of course it must depend on what took her to hospital, and how she was when she first went to rehab.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I hope your mom is able to gradually regain her strength and abilities but I just want to caution you to prepare yourself for the possibility that she may not return to her former baseline - although my mom's loss of the ability to walk and stand was probably more gradual than I realized it was shortly after a two week respite stay in a nursing home that she was permanently in a wheelchair. At the time I was focused on caring for her daily needs and praying/dreading that she die peacefully in her sleep, I never knew it was possible that people could become so completely helpless and that she could live on that way for years.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Sneaky8 Jul 2020
That is also my dread. She lives with us and she is healthy, but her legs betray her. I am sure she will get to the point that she is in wheelchair soon and still live a long while after. She already laments that she can’t walk as fast as she could as when she was younger.
(1)
Report
When she left rehab was she given exercises that she is to do once or twice a day? Do you help her with those? Could be that rehab forgot to give you those at discharge. It is too much to expect her to do those on her own.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
my2cents Jul 2020
No one gave me anything about exercise (from 2 different facilities). They told me that she 'plateaued' and would not get better. Really??? She did not come here wearing a diaper and was able to use a rollater to get all around her house. The only time one facility took her in a wheel chair to use the toilet in her room, the aid dropped her (day 1 of being there). They slapped a diaper on her and told her to use it. I argued that point from day 1. Since there was only 1 girl to bathe, potty, tend to about 12-15 patients, it was very clear why diapers were used. No one was ever going to make it in time to assist with the potty. They never let her practice with her rollator. I never witnessed the 50-100 steps they documented she was doing during PT time. I ended up being the rehab when I took her home and it was very difficult...but I resolved the issues.
(1)
Report
Give her a little time to rebound from her hospitalization/rehab ordeal. Pamper her a wee bit more but not too much.
Insist she does her exercises before that extra pampering. Make her get up to go to the BR and each hour to prevent blood clots.

I understand your concerns but am thinking she just came off a long haul and may need more rest.

Good luck. I hope she bounces back soon!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I agree with cwillie!! My mom came home after 21days in rehab She was demanding and yelled for any of her needs such as fixing her pillows and helping her dress . Now 2 weeks later she is stronger uses her walker without much assistance and feeds herself. Time does heal some wounds!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

She's 93. You are lucky you still have her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
disgustedtoo Jul 2020
I do wish there were "down" votes for comments like this.

That is one of the comments that are listed under the "Caregiving phrases that annoy you?" thread.

It doesn't matter her age, and luck has nothing to do with it. There are many who are this age and even older who are still cognizant and physically able, and there are also many who are younger and have multiple issues or have even passed at a younger age. Irrelevant.

Your comment isn't just annoying and useless, it is implying OP should feel guilty for "complaining."

Sorry that you lost your mother, but this isn't helpful.
(7)
Report
Sneaky 8
I feel for you
I hate when people say you’re lucky to have her at her age to do for it
not everyone feels they can do this kind of care and they are not bad people
and yes she can be putting on the act and it sounds like she is to me
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

If she is anything like my mom its called manipulation. Mom is able to do a lot for herself but insists she is an invalid when my sister or I are with her. Mom does it for attention because if an outing is planned you should see her get ready and walk! It's a miracle. Just the nature of some elderly. She lives in her own apartment in a senior community with home care part time and family visits everyday. . We tell her she cannot stay in her home if she cannot walk or toilet herself.
When my father left rehab he continued with OT and PT to help regain his strength. He did not sleep well at all in rehab so maybe mom needs to catch up on her rest. They do seem to exercise better with therapists than family members.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It does sound like learned helplessness. However, here's another possible factor: sometimes a patient's strength and ability levels actually do vary wildly, within the same day, so that they seem like they're faking, but they're not. So that's a possibility. But when my dad acts helpless, sometimes I'll get him safely seated, then leave him alone with the task awhile. Sometimes it miraculously gets done by him. Other times not. I hate trying to figure out what another person can or can't do, especially when it may vary.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mother, 88, post stroke with vascular issues came out of 4 months in rehab without use of her left leg. They'd given up on it and told her she'd never use it. Since being home for 4 months with in home PT and OT, she's getting up out of the wheelchair and started taking a few steps with a walker. Her goal, she states, is to be able to get to the bathroom by herself. As much as she hates family making her do her exercise and yet will do whatever the professionals ask, her motivation in general seems overshadowed by cognitive deficits and depression. We keep going knowing she may never regain her old baseline because the opposite of that would be intolerable for everyone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My Mom is similar. I guess they just find us boring LOL.

edit: Oooops I answered the wrong post.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Don't give in. Make her do what she is capable of doing for herself. Otherwise, she will not regain her strength. You are a caregiver, not a servant.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Keep up the "encouragement" by leaving things undone, a little out of reach, etc to get her used to doing for herself again (clearly she is able, so perhaps it is learned behavior from being pampered a bit!) Give her some other "duties" to do, as suggested by others, such as folding some laundry, sorting things, etc, so that she feels a sense of accomplishment and being useful! Praise and thanks for anything she does "help" with!

You mentioned PT/OT coming in. Often others have said that their LO was more compliant with aides and PT/OT. Hopefully this will be the case. If possible, watch and learn the techniques used, so you can employ those tricks the rest of the day! If there are exercises to be done, encourage those, even if she only does a little multiple times/day! Perhaps mentioning how pleased the PT/OT person will be to see her tackling these and making improvement would help too! Maybe have some kind of chart or graph tracking improvements would help too - at least it would when reporting to PT/OT at the next visit!

Too often they won't do things WE suggest, but the same suggestions from someone else is like a message from god!

Our mother at 93 was still walking, etc unaided. It wasn't too long after that she insisted she needed one of 'those', pointing to the rollators others were using. I brought the one she had left over from dad, but it took quite a while before she really used it (in her case, at that time, I think it was more like she felt she should use it because others did, not from a real need.)

This went on for several years, but I had seen her walk without it too! Sometime late last year she started getting worked up, insisting she couldn't stand or walk unaided, even with the rollator. Unfortunately she wouldn't work with PT/OT and although early on she *could* still manage (aides would provide minimal support, sometimes just a hand on mom), sitting too much of the day and since then being in a wheelchair has compounded the issues - where it was possible anxiety about being unstable or falling, now it is likely just plain weakness which prevents her from standing or walking.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Yes, very typical from what I've experienced. They are totally taken care of in both of those settings, they seldom get up. In the rehab - although they are there to get them to their previous level - what I found was long waits to go to the bathroom and therefore encouraged to wear and use a diaper. My mom never wore a diaper, so this was a blatant digression created by the facilities. While they took her to the exercise room and documented she was busy for 2-3 hrs a day - that was far from the truth. My own observation was maybe 20 minutes total and just sitting around the room waiting to be taken back to her own room. When they released her, she could not even walk the 50 or so steps they documented she was doing. It will take some work, but you can get her back to her norm.

First have a talk with her about she has to do the work or you cannot take care of her. When she asks for small tasks, tell her she needs to try on her own. Yes, she is weak, so you have to refrain from jumping in to help because it is going slow - allow her to struggle a bit. She will be building strength. If she says she can't hold her water cup, get her smaller cup...use one with lid and straw. One way to avoid the conversation about what she can't do is set the cup down and walk away. Tell her to get out of bed and busy yourself in the closet or something, but don't stand there and watch.

Ask the dr for in home physical/occupational therapy. It will start with several times a week and you can observe what she will do for others -- it's usually more than she will do for you. Even as the visits become less, tell her to do the exercises each day. Have her stand from her chair - hold it as long as she can - and then EASE herself back into chair. AVOID getting a lift chair because those chairs only create more deterioration of the muscles in her legs and her arms. Getting up and down maintains strength.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My mom had a stroke in Jan and was in rehab for 2 mos. when she left rehab she was able to walk with a walker, dress, do her morning grooming routine, go to the bathroom, etc. she had home healthcare for pt, ot, and shore assistance for about 6 weeks. As soon as the final pt session ended she started declining, asking for every little thing. I gave her a bell to ring when she needed help. I got to the point where I was hearing that darn bell even when she didn’t ring it. Then she decided she didn’t want to walk any more and insisted that “they Put me in the wheelchair to go to the bathroom”. I continued to make her walk - she was always mad at me, I was so exhausted from running to her room to help her move her legs, get her resituated, give her water, etc that I started thinking she would have been better off passing than living like she was.
Then one day she fell and I had to take her to the er. She was in the hospital and rehab for 5 weeks, unable to walk, eat or do pt and or. She kept complaining about pain from falling. After giving her pain pills and patches they decided to do an ultrasound and found she had a swollen and infected gall bladder as well as a bladder infection. Praying that she would come out of the surgery ok, she did, but was weaker than ever with additional dementia. Now, back in rehab I’m unable to see her because of Covid and I can’t talk to her in the phone because she can’t hear me. I pray every day that she is being taken care of properly and is getting back to herself. I was allowed 1 visit outside and she looked terrible. They assure me that she is doing ok but unless I see it with my eyes I don’t know for sure. I cry every day wishing I could hug her and tell her I love her. My biggest fear is that she will die in that place and I won’t be there with her. This has been kind of a long winded note but for as much frustration as I had and as you are feeling right now, I can hardly wait to hear that damn bell ring again. However, this time I’m getting some additional care a couple of times a week so I can get out of the house once in awhile, No one know how hard being a caretaker is until they do it themselves. The home health will help a lot. But be advised that she may decline when they finish their jobs. Getting additional help
is a stretch for us financially but I think it will be worth it. Also, make sure she gets regular checkups for bladder infections. They can cause all kinds of problems. I wish someone had told me all of these things when she left tcu the first time.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Katlyn Jul 2020
Your story is almost identical to mine, except I did not let them take her to rehab after surgery. The Virus has made it all so risky. She is home with me and I am getting better every week at caregiving, but it has been a long hard journey. I needed alot of help! Blessings to you and your Mom.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
I cannot understand how spoiled and lazy applies to a 93 year old mom. Your mom is older now, just do what she wants to appease her. My god, I would worship the ground my mother walks on if she were still alive. How much longer do you think your mother has on this earth?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Isthisrealyreal Jul 2020
Your answer is not helpful. Since you didn't have to take care of your mom day in and day out it is easy for you to judge and try to guilt others. Truly unfortunate that anyone thinks making others feel bad helps them feel better.
(13)
Report
See 2 more replies
Check her drugs.

I cannot count the number of times mom had adverse effects and had to be taken off some of her drugs (it was especially bad when I first came home to take care of her). Check all of her drugs and the side effects they cause (be prepared to be shocked). For me, moms doctor is supportive and because she knows I know natural medicine we talk it out if natural medicine might be better ( which it usually is).

If you can, get a physio therapist to come in and give her a assessment and some suggestions.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The point of rehab is supposed to be greater independence for the person-in practice, some of these facilities discourage independence. Liability is front and center.

In your Mom's case, it sounds like she is not motivated, for some reason. But, as previously mentioned, medications do have a effect on the mind and therefore on motivation.

Rresearching her meds and speaking to her primary might be a good start.

Also, make sure she has water by the bedside at all times and is well hydrated. During her best hour of the day, talk to her in a friendly way about how she is feeling.

If she had Physical Therapy at the rehab facility, ask about the exercises she was prescribed.

Donyah

In my experience, some rehab facilities provide professional services but also limit freedom of movement. If your Mom got thrown off her old routines and was encouraged to adhere to the routines of the facility, she might appear lazy.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Tell her NOT-- and if she objects-- tell her you will send her back with special instructions not to mollycoddle her! OY !
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I don't know what is causing this but if it is stressing you out and you feel she is demanding or taking control of you, then just simply put a stop to it. If it is a legitimate request, then you help but you don't wait on her hand and foot if she is able to do it. I don't understand this. Is she so weak and failing?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Llamalover47 Jul 2020
Riley: Is that you?
(1)
Report
Imho, what MAY have occurred is that your mom's muscles atrophied slightly while she was hospitalized. If that is the case, it's going to take a while for her to get her strength back.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

None of you has any idea what it is like to live in one of these facilities, whether it's a nursing home, assisted living, or Rehab. Those of us who still have our brains but have lost some physical abilities have seen nightmares of abuse and neglect. Some of it on others, some attempted on us. Some don't have the cognitive ability to report it because they can't remember what happened 5 minutes before. To hear that someone had a diaper that was slapped on them when they were not incontinent is just the tip of the iceberg. That's called physical abuse and neglect. If there is not enough staff to help an old person get to the bathroom, get them out of there. If the residents report violations, they can reap all kinds of abuse you can't even imagine, like slapping, pushing, deprivation of food and drink, isolation from other people, threats by staff of calling the police, under or over medication. So the time to get Mom out of there if she was denied help to the bathroom has long come and gone. I'm sorry you got stuck taking care of your 93 yr old mom. I'm sure she is sorry too. None of us wants to be stuck being dependent on our children or anyone else for that matter. But when we get to the point where we can't function like we used to, we now have these institutions that didn't even exist 30 years ago that will take your life savings and make all kinds of promises. And then, once the family leaves, they do whatever they want. People with dementia might remember how to fasten buttons one day, but forget the next day. Or maybe the arthritis in their hands is so painful, they don't want to do it, so they ask for a little help. Or maybe, just maybe, that's one way of getting some much needed attention and affection. I pray to God my children will never complain about having to put up with my "demands." The day I hear that would be the saddest day of my life. I spent a lifetime changing their diapers, holding them all night when they were sick, sacrificing money and time to be there for them because I love them more than anything. What a tragedy that our society views us old folks as a burden instead of appreciating our service, our sacrifice, and our wisdom. I'm glad I have children and grandchildren who take such good care of me. I'm also glad I have my brain left and a camera in my room to catch every attempted abuse by the staff. Now I'm going to find my bottle of wine, have a glass with a little chocolate and watch a good comedy.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
LuluRoxy Jul 2020
enjoy your night-I feel your post -keep sharing here-
(2)
Report
Consider your task to be "reminding" her of what she can do and "assisting" when she needs it. Doing is always what builds muscle. Rehab helps rebuild muscles and skills as long as the patient is compliant with therapy. They have gotten her to the place that she doesn't require hospitalization and/or a place where she is not willing to "work" anymore.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You bet she can at least do most of that! Sounds like my mom! She NEEDS to do stuff for herself and quit using you! My mom had me convinced that I had to give her showers even! Once the doctor said that she can do that stuff for herself, I was not happy, but I was a lot happier than she was because that crap came to an abrupt end! Please don't let her get away with that with you! You deserve to have a life and not have to be on call to her every whim 24 hours a day! That's gonna weaken her body and it's gonna burn you out! You are doing a GREAT job! God bless you! 😊❤️💯✝️
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Following, because I could have written this. Mom was just discharged today from a month in rehab after a two week hospital stay. She was much the same as your mom prior- walked slowly with a walker, could stand for a bit, in and out of bed. Now I’m facing never leaving the house again, I fear. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter