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Dad broke his hip and is unable to live independently any longer due to his dementia and injury. The doctor has referred him to a long term nursing home facility. He will be transferred 5hours by ambulance to a care facility close to my home.We are concerned about his anxiety and emotional distress from the transfer and permanently living in a nursing home. Which would cause him less distress?
Letting the doctor handle the transfer and helping him get settled before visiting him or be with him through the whole transfer and possibly agitating him by confirming his long term stay and risking confrontation issues concerning his new living situation.

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Same issue for me a couple years ago with dad with dementia moving him in our suv from WV to MI, 12 hour drive. Dad had no short term memory at this point and was pretty easy to redirect.

We picked him up at the rehab place where he had recovered from a broken hip. I initially told him we were going to Michigan to stay with me for a while but it didn’t stick so most of the way across Ohio he kept commenting that WV SURE IS FLAT ROUND THESE PARTS. I’d just go with whatever reality he was having at the moment.

The move was a tough adjustment for him, new surroundings, routines, people , but it was 5 minutes from me and I was a familiar face there every day helping him out.

Some days we were in a fancy hotel or a job site, airport, ski lodge and so on. I didn’t correct him just moved along with it. Mom had died a few months before so when dad would ask about her I’d just tell him she was in the hospital and we’ll go see her tomorrow. Not make him remember her death and go through the grief every day.

Good luck to you.
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Dress his room with things familliar to him. Things from home like pictures, candy dishes, favorite magazines ,radio- if possible perhaps furnishing like a chair, plants. Personalize his room. Its a start.
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If this were happening to me, I would want to be drugged to the gills.

If your presence is generally calming, and if YOU can keep repeating calming answers to repeated questions for 5 hours, then go with him.

I would watch Teepa Snow videos on handling dementia patient's anxieties. I would tell him that the doctor has prescribed this living arrangement for him and "we'll see" what the future brings.
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Call the facility and ask for their reccomendation. They'll have seen it all before
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