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She has been in the hospital 3 times and the last time was for 5 weeks. She started with a UT infection that turned septic and returned again and again. She's 77 and she has stayed in bed of her own choice for the past 20 yrs and she was hooked on pain pills for a long time till about 3yrs ago. My dad is her caregiver and she will not eat or do basically anything the doctors tell her to and is just basically accusing him of not caring for her. The nurses and docs have said they are wasting their time and it's taking its toll on my dad. I help him when I can but she does me the same just let me rest is all she will do. She's bedridden on oxygen and basically can't do anything on her own.

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This might not be the popular opinion but......if she’s not going to cooperate & wants to work against your father, he would be well within his right to move her in to a nursing home. She has the right to live this way if that’s what she want but she doesn’t have the right to do it at your fathers expense.
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I second Cali. I am curious if there are still addiction problems? If so, who is helping to get and give the medications?
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shakyking2020 Sep 2020
Shes been on methadone for the past 2 yrs to get off the original pain meds and currently isn't prescribed any pain medication so she has no access to any my dad totally makes sure of all that
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Yes I know but he's a genuine Saint and can't do that because she wants to be home just trying to get some advice to show him thank you
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I think you need at this point to accept that this is your Father's choice. Help him where you are able, and be certain then to get on with your own life and understand that these are your parent's choices.
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I think your dad is beyond needing a 'thank you' and if there are any thank you's to be given out, they should be coming from your mother who's taken advantage of his kindness for the past 20 years. Being a 'genuine Saint' hasn't helped your father and it's not helping him NOW that his health is being affected from all this care giving, and now baseless accusations from your mother. And she certainly IS, by the way, ON painkillers ..............Methadone is a strong narcotic used to treat moderate to severe pain in addition to being a treatment for narcotic drug addiction.

What your mother 'wants' right now needs to be secondary to what your father needs right now. Enough is enough. But those decisions need to be made BY your father once HE decides he's had enough.

Good luck.
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I think that it is long overdue that mom gets put in a facility where she can be the responsibility of someone else. Your dad has more than paid his dues, and it's time for him to start taking care of himself. Enough is enough, and if your mom won't listen to you, your dad or even the Dr's, then it's time to cut your losses. Your mom has made her choices, and so she must now live with the consequences.

And from what you have said, your mom is on methadone. That is an opiate(narcotic), which is given to treat pain, so are you sure she's still not addicted? That could certainly be adding to her issues.

Please help your dad find the best facility for your mom, so he can have some peace and enjoy the rest of his life.
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