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My mom just called me up another flight of stairs to rinse out a washrag and make it cold. I was extremely upset saying she could of waited the 20 minutes until I was done instead of saying I need this NOW. It's an emergency. Now she's so upset that I told her she's ridiculous and not thinking of me at all. I just want her to stop and think! I'm also not in the best of health and I feel like I'm not considered. How do I get her to understand?

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Sometimes an elderly persons world becomes very small. When dealing with multiple health issues it can be easy to be self focused and turn everything into a big deal. At her age, change is very unlikely. What you can change is your reaction. Give mom a specific time or times that you’ll be available and don’t respond outside of that. In a true emergency 911 is appropriate for her to use. Otherwise, you not being available and not reacting is best. No need to argue or explain, be less available
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My father was the same way. Everything had to be dealt with right now. Never mind I was at work...why couldn't I leave? Or come right after work? I learned to put him off. No I couldn't come after work today...maybe in two days I couldn't. You honestly have to retrain them. The more you jump, the more they snap their fingers. Unless she is hurt, nothing is an emergency. Finish whatever you were doing, then answer her.
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According to your profile, your mother is 73 with a myriad of serious health issues. She can live another 20 years. You yourself are bogged down with serious health issues............so, my question is, how do you feel capable of caring for her in your home? Especially if she's super needy & expecting you to be at her beck & call while she lies in bed?

This does not seem like a workable situation to me. Assisted Living sounds like a MUCH better solution for your mother AND for you. Try to keep in mind that your mother is not the only person who matters here. You matter too. Your health is important. Your state of mind is important. The quality of your life is important, not just hers.

Elders have the tendency NOT to consider our feelings, which is why Assisted Living is a better option for them. I would be out of my mind by now had I not placed my folks in AL back in 2014 and had to deal with my mother's thousands of issues. I'm not capable of it, or qualified to do it. Period.

Reconsider your decision before YOU wind up needing a psychiatrist and rehab to recover from the ordeal of caregiving!
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It isn't necessary to tell your Mom "she's ridiculous" nor is it necessary to tell her that she is "not thinking of me at all". You can sit with her and explain with love and gentleness that you are exhausted. That you cannot run up the stairs for every little thing, that you will promise to come when she has real needs, but that the washclothes aren't one of them.
Now if Mom is not well enough, mentally cognizant enough to understand this, then she will NOT understand it. And you may be looking at a decision about whether you can continue to give in home 24/7 care. She may require placement so that you can live your life. No one will judge you wanting, or no one worth his or her salt will. We all have limitations. I could never have done 24/7 care for someone, no matter how loved, in my life; I knew that going in and so I never tried.
Your being "extremely upset" will happen. Just apologize and say "I lost it Mom. Sorry. I just get so tired and overwhelmed. But we gotta talk about what is an emergency and what can wait a while". As I said. She either is well enough to understand, or you may need to begin to consider placement when Covid is over or vaccinations are done.
Don't waste time beating yourself up. Just try to have the conversation earlier, before you break.
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Daughterof1930 makes points that I was going to offer.   And your mother may also have a low threshold of coping, adapting, and resolving.    That's no criticism; it's easy to overact in a lot of situations and at various ages.

I'm guessing that she's very focused on what she's doing, and an interruption creates discontinuity, so it  needs to be quickly addressed so that she can continue.   I'm guessing also that there aren't many things she's doing, so her task at the time assumes a higher level of importance.
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