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My husband was gone for four months, in two hospitals and also in rehab. He was admitted when the pandemic first started. In his rehab, which is also a skilled nursing facility, there was not one case of COVID-19. I didn’t hear of any in the hospitals he was in either.

The hospital will not discharge your mother to her home because they know it is not a safe discharge and her family really has no plan in place to care for her. You are saying you will have aides and therapists come in, and in my opinion, having people continually in an out of her house is a lot more dangerous than placing her in rehab.

I understand that you are upset that your mother is among strangers and scared. You want to bring her home and take on the duties of three shifts of nurses and aides and in addition, become a physical therapist for her. If she suffers from dementia, she will not cooperate with you either. If she is incontinent, a bedside commode will be tricky, especially if she has no inclination that she has to “go”. She needs to. be wearing incontinence underwear.

With her issues, bringing her home would be a massive undertaking and extremely difficult for you and your family. Go along with what her doctors are telling you. It’s not easy but bringing her home would be worse.
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I personally would recommend rehab if only because home health care won’t be there motivating her like the staff at rehab will. Then if she refuses to participate she will be discharged home anyway or to a SNF if you are finding it hard to care for her 24/7.

Home health PT visits are 1hr 2-3x weekly, nursing could be once a week. If she goes the home health route she will receive nowhere near the time she would get at rehab.

Many elderly folks don’t want to go to rehab as their goal is to get home. But if it’s a choice for you and she, I would encourage her to go to rehab. It will give you time to plan for when she does come home as far as modifying your home for her and hiring caregivers.

Plus I can say from experience as I am a working RN, homecare resources are tapped out due to Covid19. There are long waits, less staff and it’s generally been a nightmare listening to my clients currently on homecare for CHF & post Covid 19 recovery complain about therapists and nurses who were scheduled to visit but couldn’t for whatever reason.

Rehab is your best choice as they will work with her several hours a day.
She may not want to go to rehab but you have to make the case that you feel rehab will benefit her so she can learn to do as much as she can for herself before she goes home.

Takk with her doctor about her symptoms and have them prescribe medication to calm her to encourage her to stay.

Try not to let her guilt you into agreeing to take her home. She will try this several times. Stick to your guns.

Good luck!
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artemis69 May 2020
thank your the response...obviously if there was no covid going around we definitely would send there...i am in nj...half the deaths are from nursing home and rehab centers...they are petri dishes.....23 cases in the one that we would likely send her...0 deaths at this one but there have been other deaths elsewhere. Without being able to see her I just feel we are headed to either her contracting coronavirus and dying or her mind turning to mush forever since most places are locked down. I just dont think rehab centers are safe at this point. I have not heard any information yet that has alleviated my fears, only articles worsening them
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Artemis, I would find out what the criteria is for home health to send someone. What is the plan if mom doesn't calm down and you can't get an aid?

If she isn't going to make any effort for her recovery what is the plan?

If she can understand you then you need to get her to agree to put as much effort as possible to getting back on her feet or she will have to go to a facility.

Is the hospital sure that she is recovering from the UTI? Perhaps it is a different strain than what they are treating. Ask questions and ask about getting her some meds on board to calm down.

This is a huge commitment and you really need to have a plan for the very worse case scenario, if not that is what you will be dealing with. I would recommend that you prepare to handle this alone just to really be sure that you are on board with whatever it takes, your sister has already told you her preference.

Edit: have they checked for a stroke? My grandmother had the same behaviors when she was hospitalized for a series of strokes that sent her into full blown dementia over a weekend.
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Lovemymama36 May 2020
The same thing happened with my mother. She came to live with me in May of last year. She had lived with my sister for 3 years. Her and her daughter were getting paid to care for her! They would drop her off at the doctor! She could never remember what the doctor told her and she couldn't even remember if she took her meds. I took her to urgent care and she had a full blown UTI. I never knew UTI's were so dangerous for the elderly. I can't even begin to imagine what artemis69 is going through because of all the COVID cases in NJ. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Hey: whatever they offer you in hospital, and it is covered under insurance? 100?

TAKE IT.. THEY USUALLY ASK ONE TIME.... This allows her to stay in hospital near the rehab area so she get excersice, etc? TAKE IT!!! GIVE YOU TIME TO FIGURE OUT THE NEXT PLAN

The PT for my aunt finally said it wasn't worth his time to go to her board n care, because nobody was helping with the program... she failed I failed. the caretakers failed.. And she had dementia.. so... let PT FIGURE IT OUT. Take a Breath and let them take care of her in hospital, if that is the aggreements
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Artemis, as I said, my husband was in 2 hospitals and rehab and he did not contract Coronavirus. Rehab is not a “death sentence”. However, if you are determined to go against the doctor’s advice and our suggestions, there is little anyone can do to change your mind. If something, God forbid, should happen to your mother in a facility, you will never forgive yourself. Bring her home and do the best you can to care for her. You will most likely have to sign papers saying you will not hold the facility or doctors responsible for anything after you sign her out.
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I have no advice, since I am in a similar situation. My 89 year old spouse was recently hospitalized with UTI, and it is causing extreme disorientation and delirium, from what I can tell during difficult phone calls.

He has been in hospital for a week, temp keeps spiking up and then down, and even before he went in, he was sick, tired, struggling to walk, incontinent and in pain as a result of metastasized prostate cancer (in to the bone). The UTI episode compelled the hospital stay, and now, he may need post-hospital rehab...but with the COVID pandemic,I cant visit him and have not seen him since admission, and they want him to go straight to rehab once discharged, where I wont be able to see him for at leas another few weeks.. I'm scared.
will he contract coronavirus, or will he get worse, or pass away before I can ever see him again? I want him home, but realize I can't care for him alone and the level of care required may be very costly or simply impossible in a home environment.... what do I do>>? Dalisuan99
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antibiotics usually clear up those nasty UTI's quickly. If they want her in rehab... TAKE IT. .. They know about the UTI... THEY WILL GET those kidneys etc. moving. They may tire your mom out in a few minutes, but anything it takes to get rid of UTI is a smart thing to do. REHAB, can go from 5 minutes,just lealrning how to sit up in bed, to a more strenous workout, on how to go to the commode.

If you are so curious, ask if you can watch a couple times to see if you can help out when trainer is not there.
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She was living at home herself but been in decline, slow and trouble walking, last week she fell 2x so we took her to hospital because primary thought maybe she had coronavirus...turns out they didnt even test but lungs and ct scan fine. So my mother is very stubborn, she refuses to do PT because she is scared of falling but now has been in bed for 4 days. The UTI is causing her to be confused and we cannot visit to comfort her. She is pulling out IV and screaming at nurses. Obviously she is scared and does not want to be there. We were set to get an ambulance to bring her home, set her up with a bed and a home health aide but the agency says that they will not send someone to my mothers house if she is in that condition....this is driving us nuts. Hospital recommends rehab visit...this will either kill my mother by giving her coronavirus or she will go full out crazy as we cannot visit her. Knowing my mother she will not do the rehab most likely.. She also is incontinent. We were going to get a bedside comode. At this point the only option could be to try and bring her home and try to stablize her for a few days until a home health will agree to come. It would mean alot of work from the 4 of his kids especially when it comes to the cleaning and bathroom issues. I am hoping that if mom gets home that maybe she might be willing to at least try and get up but again, we arent nurses or aides. I am going to talk to her within the hour to try and calm her down. I dont know what to do. My sister is okay with putting her in the rehab center but I just think its a death sentence one way or another. Do you think bringing her home and trying to take care could backfire. I mean even struggling she was still walking last week. We could make arrangement for visting PT to come in. Thanks in advance Does anyone have similar stories of what to do when rehab facilities are suggested during the coronavirus outbreak?
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