Hello Me and my sister have a problem with my mom. She is living in new jersey with my younger sister. Sold her house in Pa. No one has POA on her we feel like she needs to be assessed. I read that she have to give permission to get assessed. Can anyone advise me on what is the best thing to do? She's not the same, very agitated, argumentive, tonight she accusing someone of going in her room messing things and stealing things. I know we should've done somthing earlier before she got this way and now its hard. She's very hard to live with wants constant attention all time She's fairly in good shape considering her age its just her mental state is not good.
At that same appointment you can prepare a note to discretely hand to her doctor or nurse before her exam requesting and cognitive test for her. You can give reasons why you are concerned. You do not need PoA to do this. They are usually happy to do this. I did this with my MIL.
If you have trouble getting her to an appointment you can use a "therapeutic fib" and tell her that this year Medicare now requires an annual physical (or any other fib you think will work). If your mother doesn't have dementia please try to impress upon her the need to assign a durable PoA. If she doesn't do this she will force the family to pay thousands of dollars to pursue it in the courts in order to legally manage her care and make decisions in her best interests. If the family can't afford to pursue it, the county will eventually pursue it and family will lose all control over her care and assets. Good luck!
Also, “legal” competence and “functional” competence can be 2 different things. You may be able to get a lawyer to do a POA with her more quickly. Sometimes the expense of a lawyer is well worth the annoyance and complications of going for guardianship as the first step.
You can Google: power of attorney forms (and your state's name) and print them off, fill them out and hopefully, your mom is able to sign them. You should have:
A General Power of Attorney Form, a Durable Power of Attorney Form, a Financial Power of Attorney Form, a Medical Power of Attorney Form and Mental Health Power of Attorney Form and an Advanced Directive Form. Also, I would suggest a Living Will Form as well. These documents will require a notary (i.e. they are a witness to you and/or your sister's and mom's signatures). Make a couple of copies too and if you have a safety deposit box at your bank, keep a copy in there and keep a set with you and your sister - good luck!
You can always send information to the doctor about her situation, they can not discuss it with you unless you have a HIPAA release, but it will make the doctor aware of what is happening.
Get her tested for a UTI, they are brutal on the elderly and mimic dementia.
Have you guys talked to your mom about getting these forms so that her wishes can be honored in the event that she is hospitalized? Her wishes need to be in writing so that a hospitalist isn't making life altering decisions for her. Maybe she will be willing to implement these documents if she knows that no one will be able to help her without them.