My Mom is 91 years old and a resident in a nursing home. She lives in NJ and I live in FL. I have no family in NJ who can look in on my Mom nor keep me up to date with my Mom’s care. I stay in the loop via phone calls I make to the nursing home. I stay in touch with the nurses, the social worker and the physical therapist. I FaceTime with my Mom on a weekly basis. She’s now beginning to have panic attacks because she’s bedridden and her doctor prescribed her Xanax. So now, as of today I ask the young lady who does the FaceTime calls if she thought my Mom needed anything of the clothing nature. Since I live in another state I send my Mom what ever she needs via Amazon. The young girl told me that my Mom needs clothes. She said my Mom only had 2 pair of pajamas in her closet. I asked her if maybe house keeping had my Mom’s clothing and were washing them. She said no that she had checked with them and had nothing belonging to my Mom. Mind you I have my Mom’s name written with permanent marker on all the labels of her clothing. So is it the facility is not returning her clothes? This may sound like a minor issue however being the only one seeing to my Mom’s needs outside of medical care this is an issue. So I’m sending my Mom what ever she needs and the facility is not seeing she gets these articles of clothing? Can anyone shed light on this situation for me please? I don’t want to get this young girl in trouble for telling the truth. This is a delicate situation as this young girl has been a God send and has helped me (as an employee) with certain issues I’ve had with the nursing home. My Mom’s healthcare has been very good since she’s been a resident (it will be a year next month) however I’ve had to deal with certain issues that shouldn't have been or expected from a healthcare facility. Nothing really bad I have to say but again not issues you’d have to deal with from a nursing home. I’d really appreciate any advice or help anyone can offer me.
A little story..
I was visiting my mom and the laundry came on the floor and the laundry lady brought my moms clothes in, and I saw a woman look at the laundry clothes rack, and took a shirt off the rack, kinda like she was shopping. Laundry lady went and got the shirt back.
When my Mom went into the Nursing Home I took pictures of all her clothing. I found some of her clothes in her roommates closet. If something was missing, I showed the Laundress a picture of the clothing and it usually showed up in the next day or two.
I would talk to the laundress. Ask if they tag the clothes. Ask the turn over time. Do they wash per person or in bulk. Laundry is a big problem in a NH.
Yes the young girl might be your delicate angel and it’s nice to know that mother is thriving since she’s been there. Just a couple of questions assuming the nursing home washes her clothes and all clothes are labeled down to the socks , first and last name and room. There’s happens to be is there another person in the facility with the same name as your mothers first and last. Are you sending expensive clothing without the labels on them with her name and room number. They should be resending you a copy of a form of what’s being sent to the facilities for her . Here’s my point in your guidelines and I truly suggest no matter what goes on in the nursing home your best bet is that Social Worker is your best friend make her your best friend anything is on approval call the social worker.
Is there any reason why mother cannot be relocated in your area as the social worker sometimes it’s better to have other closer to you if possible so you can least drop in to three times a week if it’s permissible by the CDC.
So is Mothers only having two garments two sets of garments she’s wearing them all the time to three days in a row and that’s not healthy mother should at least nine outfits including socks and under clothes. 5 pjs .
Here’s my last point of you .
You need to speak to the manager or director of that facility then you need to speak to the social worker that is assigned to mother and take it from there but you’re number one person again I’m gonna say it again can’t stress it any stronger the social worker . Or you can have the facility investigate it by Omdurman Advocates to see what’s going on I hope this will help you .
Signing out Brown, Sugar
Speaking with families with LO at this community and other communities found that they were encountering the same situation. My solution was to not purchase expensive clothing and accept that LO in AL have community wear. 😊
In caring for my dad and his health issues I need to pick my battles and clothing is at the bottom of the concern list for me.
Your mother pays a fee to the NH to have her laundry done. It is absolutely not unreasonable for her to expect to have her clothes returned to her clean, in good condition, and more or less all of them. The odd sock or undervest going missing is one thing, but (assuming she had plenty in the first place) whole empty drawers are getting ridiculous.
So, armed with your inventory, call a higher-up at the NH, explain that you want to take stock of your mother's clothes before you order her next supplies, and ask them to account for what she now has.
It is difficult to manage a nursing home's laundry - very high turnover of work, very high volumes, all kinds of infection prevention and control issues, low pay, long hours, thankless tasks - you can imagine, of course. But it's not enough to say oh well what do you expect. Ask your mother's NH to do better than that.
Mom's AL would do each resident's laundry individually once a week. Unfortunately they would only do 2 loads, one linens, one clothing and would dry everything on high heat! So I had to buy everything a few sizes too large.
Dad was in a different facility where all laundry was dumped together and sorted after. I learned to go to the laundry room and find his clothes, and go through his closet to remove someone else’s.
We learned not to buy nice things because the parents really didn’t care.
I too am very happy with his situation in general, so I had to realize that I am powerless. I fear you are too.
here is much that has to be researched and regulated with care for the elderly in this country. Same with internet control.
I hate to say it but there is a good possibility that all the clothes you are sending are probably not making it to mom's dresser or closet. I have a feeling that staff is taking some of the things they want.
And, hate to say it start shopping for mom at resale stores and use one of the flat rate shipping boxes from the US Post Office. (really a pretty good deal, pack as much as you want and the price is the same as long as it fits in the box!)
Also there might be a good possibility that the clothes are misdirected to another room when the laundry is done.
In the rehab where my Husband was there was a room filled with blankets and other articles of clothing that I was told to go through when I was looking for his items.
Also there are other residents that are "shoppers" they will go into someone else's room and take items. In many cases this is not done with a malicious intent but it will happen if the resident has dementia they do not think of it as theft.
Other than shopping resale the only other thing that you can do is chalk this up to part of the life of a resident in Long Term Care and accept that items will go missing.
You're long distance. They know that. They know you're not present to make them accountable. If it's any comfort, it would still be a problem if Mom was in a facility down the street from you.
As an aside, my Mom never would leave Georgia. She hates Texas. Guess what? We overrode her and moved her here anyway because the doctors said she could no longer live on her own. NH was out of the question for me and my siblings, esp long distance. Can you have a straight talk with your mom and tell her how stressful this situ is for you and this is just not working for her or you?
If I were you try to shop at Thred.com or Swap.com for second hand things.
Maybe these will reach mom and be less interesting to others.
Will save you a lot if money.
So maybe they could recognize that the tops with an embroidered L and the kitty pajamas are Laverne's.
Or maybe you just designate them as consumables in your mind and send more on a schedule if she can afford it.
Is it possible to transfer mom to a NH near your house? Anyone in any kind of a facility needs someone to be an advocate for them - checking in on them at random times, checking out the meds being dispensed, checking to see that she is really being taken care of.
Edit: In original post you said you had no family to look in on your mom, but in a response below you said you had a family friend who puts names on the clothes and gets them to the NH for you. Why not offer this person some kind of pay or salary to look in on mom so you really know what's going on with her care. There could be other things - like sitting in wet pants all day, food trays delivered but never eaten, etc - that need to be watched. Or move her closer to you
My goal was not to make any one person my best friend, but to make every employee that I came in contact with my best friend. From the people doing the lawn and gardening work, the man on his hands and knees scrapping whatever off of the floor to the administrator. I let everyone of the employees know that their job was just as important as anyone else's. I made sure that the administrator, and all other management employees know that they were no more important than anyone else.
The gardeners I told that if the grounds didn't look nice there would be less residents to help pay all the bills. Same for the maintenance and floor cleaners. Dirty floor, non working equipment, toilets, sinks, no residents . To the management I told how good the employees were at doing their jobs and how good the facility looked and smelled. The same for laundry and food service and also all the medical staff. I spoke to everyone each time I was in the facility. I would learn about their families and any prayer needs they might have.
Some would not speak back usually for a week or so, but before long, almost everyone would return my greetings. (Even some who knew very little English)
During all my wife's time, she lost one hoodie and many socks. I loose her socks at home!, so that's to be expected.
Now when she has been hospitalized, she has lost 2 smart-phones, One this past week. Most likely got wrapped in with the bed linens and tossed in the bin, Then to the out of state laundry facility where it was probably destroyed in a gigantic commercial washer.
As for the employees at the SNF, not all of them were friendly. There were some who were downright nasty. Several were terminated because of rough treatment of my wife or even personal threats to me!
The CNA's would almost always ask my wife first when she wanted her shower and they would come close to honoring her time request. The food service would make sure that no one took "her place" in the dining hall.
These suggestions are useless to Rosie T., with her mom, and any others who are living either away from their LO or in a state where the facilities are completely closed down. These things work everywhere, the grocery store, the garbagemen(Sanitation workers) doctors' offices. Anywhere you see the same people on a regular basis.