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I'd say call again and ask to speak to the person in charge of laundry. Ask them to track down your mother's clothing. How big is this facility? Even when the laundry is segmented to avert mixing, as it was in my father's facility, he ended up with items that weren't his and I would return them. Once his shoes disappeared and they eventually found them in the laundry facility. He had soiled them and they just didn't get around to returning them. He had enough pajamas to wear twice a week, but the aids were just tossing them in the hamper after wearing once -soiled or not - instead of putting them back in the drawer. So he needed 7+ pairs of pajamas. They would leave soiled items in the hamper all week until laundry day and they mixed up all his organized and neatly folded clothing in the drawers. It didn't start out that way but it ended up that way as the more conscientious aids moved on and the facility got busier. What can you do? His nice stuff got wrecked. But he was clean and appropriately dressed most of the time.
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Dealing with 2 different nursing homes and a group home. For my dad they would lose things even though his name was in a label inside (some kind of super sticky iron or sewed on thing the nursing home provided). As someone said they could possibly remove the label somehow. That nursing home was actually a little better about keeping up with clothes than the one my mom went to, but we still found things that definitely didn't belong to him in his closet and since he was a rather simple person he wasn't worried about a few misplaced items. I think the hearing aides were lost in a facility transfer. For my mom, we managed to lose a nice blanket and pillow. I remember being more upset about the pillow disappearing than the blanket or any clothes. The only way to try and have more control is to live nearby, and though I did live nearby and visited as much as I could even after returning to work, these things still happened. I got to the point that I didn't care so much about the stuff I was just worried that they were cared for properly. I think talking to people is important. Even some of the other nursing home residents tell you things if you hang around long enough. I learned to not be too trusting of people but I figure they steal for a reason. Like another person posted the residents with dementia may enter others rooms at odd times and could possibly even take things. I believe one if the nurses warned me of that and said be careful not to leave anything of value as it would likely disappear. In the group home we signed a list of my dad's items that seemed pretty accurate. At the end of his stay I was totally over any personal items I did pick up some of them but if they could use any for someone else I left that. Despite a story for another day about the manager, I think his care was better there and he was able to relax more. As I said he was a simple man and really didn't have much. I miss him a lot now that he is gone, and I didn't mind having to buy him a few items that he either didn't have much of or it went missing. Hope you can have some peace as long as your mom is being taken care of and has no complaints on the staff, that is most important!
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Imho, as well as having every single possession of my late mother's marked with Sharpie (even down to her toothbrush), I then also created a list of every item that she kept at the nursing home.
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Things getting lost, stolen or just put in the wrong room are a common thing in assisted living and nursing homes.  Since you said there is no family in NJ who can look in on your mom, why keep her there?  If you could move her to a long term care facility near your home in FL, you could deliver the pajamas yourself and visit on a regular basis to make sure she is being taken care of appropriately.  Just a suggestion.

A short answer is to call the director of the facility, explain your issue and ask what the protocol is for getting things to your mom.
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anonymous999770 Mar 2021
Thank you for your response. Moving my Mom is out of the question. She refuses to move out of the state of NJ to where I live in Florida. Unfortunately my Mom is very stubborn and I have to respect her wishes. She’s being well taken care of medically and I’m so grateful in that regard. As far as the clothing issues I have a guardian angel which has taken to my Mom who is in charge of seeing that patients have their FaceTime with the family members. She has been such a dear and has kept me in the loop with certain things. Unfortunately I can’t bring her into this situation as she feels it will jeopardize her job. She’s a young girl and is doing this job as a back up to loosing her former job due to the pandemic. I did speak to the CNA and she told me she would look into this for me. When ever I have something sent to my Mom I order from Amazon. I have it sent to my Mom’s former neighbor who is trustworthy and she opens everything, inspects it and writes my Mom’s name and room number on all the labels. She then drops everything off at the front desk and the young girl who has been my angel takes everything to my Mom. In fact she is the one who noticed my Mom’s belongings where going missing and told me in confidence. Why I’m in this predicament now trying to get to the bottom of it.
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the nursing home that my dad was in, marks their clothes before putting them in the room, it is done with a label that is hard glued onto the clothing. Now.......just because they are put in the room doesn't mean that maybe the other person in the room isn't taking them and putting them in their closet. the guy that was in with my dad took the pictures off the place board i made and put them inside his photo album. he liked them so he took them. I said something to the nurse on duty and she checked around in their room and found them in this man's photo album. so its possible that someone else came into your mothers room and took them OR something else. I would call the nursing home and let them know what is happening. it doesn't mean that particular girl took them........its just possible that some other resident took them out of your mothers room without her knowing it. wishing you luck.
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BuckAndBuck.com for all clothing orders instead of Amazon.

They will label the clothing for you before shipping. And the clothing will with stand the punishment that the laundry service does when running it through the sanitize cycle. They focus on clothing that makes dressing easier, which also may be helpful for your mother.
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babsjvd Mar 2021
Thank you !
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A long term solution would be to either move her to a nursing home near you or move near her. They are supposed to label all clothing before going to the room. Make a list of everything she has there...including things like dentures or eyeglasses. Make sure they do that. Also insist that they take her out of the bed & into wheelchair for a few hours a day. Bedsores can develop if not turned every couple hours. Ask about her skin on backside. Hugs 🤗
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anonymous999770 Mar 2021
Thank you for your response. First off I can’t move Mom near me as I live in Florida and she lives in NJ. She refuses to leave the state of NJ. I can’t go against her wishes. Next, as you mentioned I did make a list of her belongings after I found out most of her things went missing. Luckily when I order from Amazon you have a history of your orders along with a photo of the item. I called her assigned nurse and spoke to her. She assured me that she was going to check with the laundry service to see what she can find out for me. I’m realizing I have to pick my battles and as petty as this may seem I’m just happy my Mom’s medical care and been great. She is in fact getting physical therapy and being moved from her bed to a recliner so she does not get bed sores.
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Why can't you move her closer to your home? I realize that she's 91 ---it might be nice for both of you to be closer in these final years. Just because someone says they want to stay in New Jersey; as circumstances change so much the plans. There are services that can transport your mother, especially the NJ/NY to FL route.
If you really want her closer, there are ways to make it happen...especially when you begin the phase where you have to fly up there many times.
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babsjvd Mar 2021
I get the same question... finances.. if I moved my mother here to an AL , prices here significantly higher, 8000 or more a year... mom wants buried by my dad, more finance issues to ship her back after her death. my mom has 40,000 dollars, I took 11,000 out last year to supplement her care , if she were here she would have less than 30, 000 left... moving expenses are not cheap. My mom never worked, she could have, never really budgeted, should have. Her Uncle lived past 100, her cousin is 99... when she starts to run out of money , there are more living solutions for my mom than here. I do buy for my mom thru Amazon , ( I pay for those) moms costco account pays for the other personal things. Thank goodness for Amazon. But I’m not using my retirement money to support my mother, unless I absolutely have to... I worked since 15 . My mom couldn’t even stop watching her soap opera to pick me up from school and take me to work...I get push back from my aunts and uncles,to move her cross country.. because they are afraid they will have to do it. I don’t blame them, but I sure wish they would understand. I manage everything..no siblings that can help... it saddens me, but my mom should have and could have done more.
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Wish I could offer some constructive advice but can't really. I was Director of Guest Relations at one of the better local skilled nursing facilities here and I can't tell you the hours I spent chasing down lost clothing items. Sometimes the other residents "shop" someone's closet which are unlocked (while the resident is at an activity or lunch but sometimes... there just doesn't seem to be any rational explanation. I get that they are hustling to get things done before visitors start arriving but seriously? Had a bit of the same problem when my Mom was in the facility although I was only four miles away and did some laundry myself. I think it is just one of the headaches that goes with nursing home care-- annoying but not a major battle. Good luck!!
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I used to work in a nursing home. There were times when the patients clothes would disappear and it would eventually come out that the workers were stealing the clothes. Best thing to do is get stuff from the thrift store and send it. Not so likely to get lost that way.
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My mom was in a NH for rehab. They put a sign saying that family would do her laundry. Somehow, the attendant took her clothes to wash.

My mom asked me to find her blouse. I went down to the laundry room and found it myself rather than asking for someone else to do it. I was lucky. I happened to spot it hanging up.

They put other people’s clothes in her closet. It happens even with names on clothing articles.

Now mom is in a hospice home. It’s very small. She is bed bound too. She only wears pajamas so she needs very few items.

Mom used to be a ‘clothes horse’ but now is most comfy in her pajamas.
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I have been thinking of the Laverne and Shirley TV show. Laverne always wore a sweater with that great big "L" embroidered on it.
So I was thinking of embroidering Luz's name on any clothing She would have if and when I had to put her into a home.
either her name or a large initial embroidered on the outside seemed to me as a way to reduce loss or aid in recovery.
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