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my mom is 84 yrs old, she has dementia, breast cancer and heart disease. She lives at nursing home , she got a new roommate a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, this lady is bed bound and suffers from SCZ, she keeps
waking my mom up when she has episodes, she starts cursing, pulling the divider/curtain , ripping her clothes off, removing her colonoscopy tube . Screaming for help . She almost poisoned herself a few days ago. I feel sorry for her but I don’t believe she is receiving the care she really needs there and is disturbing my mom on regular basis. I have expressed my concerns with personnel but the only option they gave me was for my mom (who has been in this room for
over 3 years) to be moved to a different room/hall or for us to look into a different facility. How is this fair? Any advise? The facility has been focusing on getting occupancy rates up and they are loosing focus on their responsibility to provide good care and quality of life to all residents . They claim there is no issue since this lady can’t hurt my mother. The only way they keep this lady under control is by providing her with medication . This is a facility that accepts Medicaid and unfortunately I can’t afford a private pay one.

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This happened with my mom.

I wrote a strongly worded letter and email, sent it to the facility administrator, DON, unit manager and social worker.

I cc'ed mom's lawyer.

I stated that my mother's roommate had created a dangerous, abusive and unsafe condition that was causing harm to my mother's mental and physical health. I asked them to provide me with their solution within 24 hours. After 24 hours, the state ombudsman and Joint Commision on NH accreditation would be contacted.

I sent the letter ar 2 pm. The abusive roommate was moved that evening.

I hope this works for you.

Don't "talk to staff". Go to the decision makers and put it in writing.
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KarenJo May 2023
Thank you!! Im
doing this next . This was very helpful!
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Nursing homes do this now. They put mental cases in with dementia residents and also with patients debilitated by illness.
They pulled this with my father who had a stroke. Some basketcase got thrown out of his group home for uncontrollable behavior. The people who run the place call an ambulance which took him to the ER. One day later he was roomies with my father in the nursing home.
I laid into them and would not let up. They moved my father within a day.
This is what you have to do. You cannot reason with these people and nursing home staff will just run you in circles.
I threatened to sleep in my father's room in a sleeping bag if they did not move him. They moved him and they will move your mother too. You must insist.
Also, if your mother has dementia why is she not in the memory care part of the nursing home?
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KarenJo May 2023
Thank you , this is helpful , they don’t have a dementia unit or rooms assigned for dementia patients only. Can they let you sleep there?
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If you search online, you should be able to find contact details for the Long Term Care Ombudsman for your mother's area and information about how to report issues.
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KarenJo May 2023
Thank you, I have already called and left a vm, they are supposed to get back to me within 24hrs .
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It isn’t fair. Your mother was there first. She shouldn’t have to move. Your mom isn’t the person causing the issue. Her roommate is causing problems for your mom. The roommate should be moved to the other room.

I’m so sorry that the nursing home isn’t seeing your side of this story. I would be terribly upset about them suggesting that your mom should move to another home. That is unacceptable.

Are there other incidents that you haven’t been satisfied with or is the main problem the roommate situation?

Are cameras allowed in your mom’s room? Catch it on film. Show them how the roommates actions are disturbing to your mother.

Keep talking until they listen. Complain to the DON, administration and the ombudsman in your area.

Good luck in getting this situation resolved.
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KarenJo May 2023
yes there are other issues like her not getting the diaper changed every 2-3 hours on regular basis , I have also been vocal about that. To be fair , their care has been for the most part acceptable until 2 months or so, I have noticed that they have more residents but not necessarily more staff. Yes, you can put a cámara on the room but i can only record my moms side of the rooms and the cámara can’t have sound so I don’t think it would catch what’s really going on other than my mom being awake . Thanks for your kind words.
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I’m trying to understand why they don’t move the bed bound roommate instead.

Is the offered alternative room a smaller single room so your mom wouldn’t be assigned another roommate?
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MargaretMcKen May 2023
Chances are that this roommate has caused problems before, and they want to 'force' an option that won't require giving her a single room. Find out when she entered the facility, and how many times she has been moved before. Then start objecting just as hard as the previous families did, to get her moved. Object to senior management and to the Ombudsman. This is not an uncommon situation.
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I feel bad for your mom. Hope you get this resolved quickly.
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I so hope this got resolved. I hate it when they say someone with SCZ is not a danger. They are if paranoid. If that resident thought Mom was a danger to them, they could hurt her. Throw in Dementia and the person is dangerous. IMO anyone suffering from a mental illness, will eventually suffer from Dementia.
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anonymous1732518 Jul 2023
I thought NHs offered a place where the loved one is safe and cared for 24/7?
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KarenJo, Your post got reshuffled back into the main threads and I am wondering if you ever worked anything out with your Mom's facility about her roommate? I hope you are still around on Forum and can update us.
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