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Mom has early dementia. Our front door doesn't have deadbolts or any lock that is hard for mom to open. So what can I put in there?


All doors have chimes so that I know when they open and I can check on mom when I'm at home. But I can't take mom everywhere with me when I go out. She panics when she doesn't see me for 15 minutes and I don't even want to think about her opening the front door and looking out.


Thank you so much

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Child proof knob covers.

But, it sounds like mom is at the stage she should not be left alone. Find help so you can get out when you need to. Or find appropriate level of care for mom.
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JoAnn29 Sep 2019
I used the child proof knob covers. The just go around and around because the person can't figure out how to stop it.
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Sorry, she’s not safe to be left alone anymore. She needs a caretaker or a place where she’ll be watched all the time
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JoAnn29 Sep 2019
I agree, she should not be left alone. My Mom was in the lowest level of my split. There was a child proof knob on the door in her room to the outside. If I ran to the convenience store, I gated her in the room. I did tell her I'd be back, but she probably forgot the second I left but she wasn't going anywhere.
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A simple night latch put up at the top of the door might stymie her or at least slow her down. And an alarmed mat placed in the hall could give you some early warning.
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You are looking for a solution to prevent her from getting out of the house while you run errands is how I read your post. Are you not concerned about a potential fire in the house...how would she get out?
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You’ve had a long road with your mom. It sounds like she now needs to be watched all the time. Like the others, I worry that she is now like a toddler and her dementia is progressing beyond the “early” stages. You would not leave a toddler home alone. But, you’re right. You cannot take her everywhere with you. Research the availability of in home care for her. Someone experienced with people with her issues. Or, maybe adult daycare. If she becomes anxious when she doesn’t see you, maybe a low dose of anti-anxiety meds just before you go out.
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I can't imagine the hardship this will impose, but I agree with those here who have said Mom likely isn't safe to leave alone any more. If you put in something Mom cannot easily access, then she would be trapped in the event of a fire. She could, if she has access to the kitchen when you are gone, be in danger of actually setting a fire, as well.
So sorry to hear that it has reached this stage, but I can't see an answer for you that would be safe for her.
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I'm sorry your mom's dementia has declined to this point. As others have mentioned I question her ability to be alone......If she tries to get out, what else is she doing to put her in harm's way? I struggle with my own mom's limitations, but she insists on staying home and dad gives in. If I were making the decisions she would have been in AL yesterday. Dementia is highly individual....your mom could be progressing at a faster rate. For her safety and your peace of mind find other alternatives.....at least a part time caregiver while you are out. Hope this helps.
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My Moms Dementia was a monthly decline. I agree ur Mom should not be left alone. If you don't want to put her in an AL or LTC there are options. If she is low income, she may qualify for in home care thru Medicaid. Even for a couple of hours will allow you to run errands. Or set up a sitter. Maybe for certain days of the week so you can get things done. Medicaid may pay for daycare fully or partially depending on Moms income. I sent Mom 3x a week. They picked her up and dropped her off. She was given breakfast and lunch and a Shower. For me not having to bathe her was great.

Your question about Mom getting out. My cousin had key only deadbolts put on the inside of the door. But, my Uncle was never alone, he had an aide during the day because my cousin had to work. Because my cousins room was in another area of the house, he didn't hear my Uncle go iut the door. After my Uncle passed, my cousin removed the locks because they r considered a fire hazard.
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Instead of staying alone, you might consider adult day care, so she gets supervision and you can go out without worrying.
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For the door, I used a sliding latch placed at the top of the door to keep rambunctious children inside the house and that would probably work for someone with dementia too. You might consider placing a latch on the outside of the door too so you can engage the latch as you leave and anyone on the outside could still open the door as needed. My mother has MCI with mobility problems and when I occasionally leave her for 30-45 minutes while I pickup some food or a grand-kid, I ask a neighbor to keep an eye on the house and let herself in if the security system alarm goes off. The security system includes smoke alarms and a panic button.

I see in your profile you would like to move Mom into a care facility after you get the financial side organized. Please consider contacting the Area Agency for Aging (AAA) social worker to see if there is an adult day care where your mother could stay a few hours daily during the week and to see if Mom would qualify for some in home care hours. AAA could also help you get the financial stuff in order for Mom's placement. Good Luck.
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Thank you all - I will look for a sitter/aide now....I appreciate your ideas.
Enjoy your Sunday.
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I admit I did this to my little brother as a child...

When he was in his room with the door shut, I would close the door to the bathroom across the hall. Then, I would tie a rope between them. No matter how hard he pulled, he couldn't open his door. No, it wasn't nice but that's what siblings sometimes do!

Anyway, do you have a railing on your front porch that you could tie a rope to so that the door can't be opened from the inside? Maybe even put some bells on it so that you hear her pulling on the door?

Obviously, it would need to cut to length and installed in a way that it can be easily tied/retied.

But, like others have said, the safest option is having eyes on her at all times. The worry of her starting a fire would bother me.
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A friend installed deadbolts backwards. So from the outside you just twist the lever. In case of emergency. But inside you need a key to leave.
Hope this helps -
Sparkles
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BeeBeeL Sep 2019
Brilliant idea! Thanks for sharing.
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I would get a dead bolt, even if you have to do some maintenance. Her safety comes first & you need a lock that has a key to keep it locked, home or not.
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An internal lock like a dead bolt with a key is to my mind very dangerous. Just think if you had seconds to get out - seconds! - and where’s the key? and you have to insert it and twist it the right direction, maybe over and back half way, and step back to open the door. And you have demented slow responding uncomprehending person with you. Plus a fire alarm blaring at you so loud you can barely think. Simple dead bolt yes; key no. Set your system up for a panic situation.
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Grandma1954 Sep 2019
for years I wore my house keys on a chain around my neck. wore them 24/7/365. I always knew where the keys were.
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My grandmother was leaving the house also this past summer in sweltering heat and we were constantly trying to find her. She is in a nursing home now due to her severe decline at such a rapid pace. But while waiting to figure out what we needed to do in the meantime, my dad also put child proof knobs on the door. We were fortunate enough that she never bothered with the stove and the nurse was only minutes behind my dad going to work. When he started losing sleep because he found her in the yard at 11:30 at night with her clothes packed, we knew it was beyond his control and for both of their sakes we had to put her somewhere she could walk to her heart's content without us worrying about her getting lost or out in the middle of the night alone. I pray you find your solution because I know the pain you are dealing with.
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For everyone worried that someone could not escape a fire, most dementia patients would not even realize they were in danger because of the fire and not even try to escape. They would be overcome by the smoke and become unconscious.

Keeping them safe from the real danger of walking off is more important than what ifs.

Look at your local hardware store for child locks, place them high up and mom will never even see them. My granny was was kept in with little tab locks that fold over the door frame to stop the door from opening. Pushing them up opened them. It really is important to put anything, even a chain lock above eye level. Demented people don't look up.

It is scary and tiring to be chasing a wanderer all the time. Keeping them securely inside does allow you a level of comfort to get household chores done.

It is probably time for mom to have 24/7 supervision, I am sorry. That requirement changes everything and usually leads to facility care, you can't keep up with the energy they have, it takes a village. My granny would pace the halls in her wheelchair chair nonstop for 18 hours a day.
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A sliding latch on the top of the door and frame is effective. The pin just slides down and over and is easily deactivated in case of emergency. Painting the door the same color as the wall is also an effective way for dementia patients to reduce walking out doors. Not sure why it works but it is documented that it does. Good luck to you.
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I heard a suggestion that I thought outstanding. Get "dummy" door knobs and attach them in several places on the doors. The multiple knobs will confuse someone trying to open the door.
For years I had deadbolts that are keyed inside. I wore the keys around my neck.
For the garage door I had a key pad installed on the inside so to open the garage door you have to punch in a code just like outside. This way he could not get out through the garage.

And as simple as this sounds it works for some. Put a Large area rug in front of the doors. Dark in color. To some with dementia spacial cues are important and a dark rug looks like a hole in the floor so they will not strep on it
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My friend who has an adult son with severe autism also has this issue. He would walk out of her apartment.

She used the deadbolt system with a key around her neck. He was never left alone. Your mom sounds as if she may be at the stage of always needing someone there.

He also had seizures. The fire department had access to her key in a lockbox with a code to get into her home in case of an emergency.

I suppose the the same concept would work for dementia patients.

She didn’t have any knobs on her stove. She had no knives or scissors in sight. She ate and drank from plastic dishes and cups. She was afraid of him breaking glass plates or glasses. She pretty much child proofed the entire apartment for a 25 year old son.
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I had put signs up, like "Do Not Open Door" and "Do Not Let the Cat Out". Although very confused with dementia, she still is able to read.

Teepa Snow gave some tips (like others have already mentioned). One was to put a black rug in front of the door, because sometimes they see it as a hole in the ground. And also to make the door so it doesn't look like a door, which seems easier in a facility where it can sort of blend into the wall.

I think you will also soon be running into the problem where she will open the door when someone rings/knocks on it.
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