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I have a friend who is 98. She has f/t live in caregivers - usually 2 different people for the week. She is starting to call me several times a week to tell me that items are missing or stolen. In one instance, it appears that a caregiver from a previous company did remove some curtains, however, that was over 4 months ago and I just found out. We have a different company providing care and less caregivers in the house. Now it seems that she is accusing people of stealing her stuff at least once a week. I really do not believe that any items are missing. I have not taken a detailed inventory of her house, it would be impossible - too much clutter. What can I do?

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It’s not unheard of for disreputable caregivers to steal things, however, if your friend has dementia or is paranoid like my mother was, imagining that people are stealing things is common as well.

Because she is a friend and not a relative, I would let her family deal with this. I would notify whoever is next of kin responsible for hiring and paying the caregivers, whoever is her POA, or whoever in her family is the primary one responsible for supervising her. She may be having anxiety issues or if she does have dementia, she may need a doctor visit.
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While this can certain happen, it is also one of the most common things that elders do; they believe that those coming into their homes are taking things. I always tell the story about my partner's Mom who had one caregiver her last years, Wilma. She would constantly hid things, such as "the pearls I want B. to have when I'm gone" and then couldn't find them. We got constant calls of "Wilma took them". She has been gone now many years, but to this day when we are missing something in the house we say to one another "Wilma took it".
It is very difficult to ascertain what is truth and what is not, but the more accusations the less likely it is true. We know that Elders can be prey, also, to those who are nefarious. It is very difficult to judge these situations.
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It would be really helpful to know if you are her PoA or if a family member is watching out for her. Thx
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Lynco1 Sep 2019
I AM her POA. I oversee all of her financial management and the caregiver providers. Her son lives 4 houses away but usually causes more trouble vs providing assistance. I have been her (and her deceased spouse's) POA for over 10 years and have known her for 26+ years. I see what is going on. She does NOT want to move to a LTC facility and wants to stay at home. The home care people mean well, but they are NOT well versed at dealing with patients who show signs of dementia. They mean well and have "some" experience, but they are mostly CNA's. I am getting calls on a regular basis now with my friend making accusations regarding missing items. It appears that one incident was warranted, however, it happened months ago and she cannot provide me with any details (she cannot remember) so there is nothing I can do about that. That company and caregiver are no longer in the picture, yet she harps on this issue daily. I have not noticed anything else missing but the caregiver (who is now a live in - thru an agency) states the the senior does get up during the night and pillages around the house. She moves things and puts things in different places. Then, a few days later, complains about them being stolen. She cannot be watched 24/7 and I cannot take a complete inventory from a house that has more nick-nacks than the local antique or country store.
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I think a Nanny-cam is a GREAT idea. I will have to look into that. Thank you for that suggestion.
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