Mom has become an unreasonable penny-pincher as she worries about AL in the future and the exorbitant cost of it. I understand this but grocery shopping is a nightmare. Sticker shock is expected, but to the extent that everything goes back on the shelf. Mom needs the sensory stimulus of shopping so home delivery at this point is not an option. Some examples:
”I can’t afford $2 a can for dog food, where is the 79cent can? I’ll just give the dog bread.”
”Only $10.00 in gas please.”
”What? We need a new fan on the heater. Next year.” ( 2 weeks with no heat because of delay w/service and supply chain issue)
I pay for what I can, but am retired and on fixed income.
Welcoming suggestions please and thank you.
At your parents age and decline, why are they waiting for in going into an AL? Seems Mom has some mental decline if she thinks its OK for the dog to eat bread. Do you live with them or just nearby? Is she taking care of the dog properly and Dad. I think maybe its time for an AL talk.
You could encourage her to make whole food dog food and freeze it. Cheap meat, brown rice and veggies or she can buy dry food and add warm water to soften it.
I did the dry food and warm with my dads little dog and she loved it. My German Shepards get fed this twice a day and I add healthy oils to increase nutrition, like salmon oil, olive oil and occasionally they get bacon grease as a treat, it only takes a dash of oil, think about the size of supplements.
You may have to take her shopping for the exercise and then go buy, with their money, the items they need to survive.
Food prices are beyond sticker shock, so I can understand her complaints but, we gotta eat now and leave tomorrow for tomorrow.
YOU should not be paying for anything for mom. She has an income, why aren't you using that? If YOU are paying for her incidentals, then I would have a chat with her and explain that YOU are the one who is 'out' the money, not her.
Sounds like the sensory stimulus is not achieving the positive effect, if she is just getting upset over the cost of everything.
Everyone is affected by the inflationary situation we're in. Your mom is not immune.
Do you make a list and stick to it? Using coupons and going to stores which are having sales?
I personally would not take her shopping, esp if I were paying for everything. Make a list together and YOU go alone. Likely, without being distracted by mom's fussing, you'll get done faster and be able to price compare w/o her negativity.
Is she currently living independently? Or with you? I couldn't make that out.
If she's living with you, then it's really your rules, esp if she's not the one paying.
I used to think the same thing for my mom but currently with inflation going mad it's too much. I will occasionally point out to her "OMG can you believe it a dozen eggs is 4.79. Lets go get some chickens instead". But taking her with me to the store would be absolutely counter-productive, She'd just get super scared at the cost everything has gone up.
Honestly. Look into SNAP in your state for mom. The minimum income requirements have changed, the minimum amount per household/person has gone up. I can't remember if the income thing changed only in my state or nationally (PA) but I became eligible for SNAP this year and it has been a lifesaver, even the small amount one might be eligible for (say a household of one, getting 18 whole dollars) is still 18 whole dollars, which is 9# of chicken breast if you catch it on sale, a bucnh of pounds of pasta or rice or flour or whatever.
Also a lot of elderly are eligible for food boxes etc.
Also, there are sometimes animal adoption/care services that will help the elderly keep their animals by giving them dog foods/cat foods/litter/etc. It keep the elderly person's life enriched with a dog or cat and keeps the animal out of the shelter.
I say get the expensive things delivered and let her shop for the less expensive. Get the poor dog's food delivered.
You need to cease paying for anything for her, period. The inflation we're all facing is hard to process, at the store or online, it's just today's reality. Don't we all wish that everything were priced what it was years ago, even 2 years ago!
Agree that the in-store shopping has become a harmful stimulus for her and you're allowing yourself to be manipulated by guilt over inflationary issues over which you've no control, please don't assume that your mom isn't fully aware that she's forcing you to sacrifice for her needs and benefit. If she's saving her money for AL and you're paying instead, who benefits?
Shop for or order what she needs and the dog too (I recently paid $65. for a 30# bag or dog food and about dropped my jaw); the cost of everything is crazy. Buy what she needs with her money and stop enabling her behaviors. Hide the receipts if need be.
Perhaps she should be in AL now, where meals are part of the cost so that she's no longer 'saving' until some future date, you can't afford this.
We all know that The Great Depression generation is accustomed to food stocking against lean times; these are lean times so you can bring in stocks of cheaper items - with her money - to satisfy that for food stores need in her, while she pays for the basics.
Best -
I took my mom shopping but she brought her checkbook with her! She was old school and I couldn’t get her to switch to a debit card.
Later on, when she could no longer go shopping with me due to her health, I took her list and did the shopping for her but she paid for it.
Occasionally, she grumped about prices but I told her that prices increase and if she wanted those items that was the cost that she had to pay.
They grew up during the depression era and they developed the mindset of saving for a rainy day. I get this but we can’t subsidize what they can’t afford all of the time. A few things here and there are fine but not on a regular basis.
Her poor pooch. He shouldn’t have to suffer because she is so frugal.
Then into the car again to yet another grocery store as that store had a sale on canned peas and ice cream. Then back into the car, to Wal-Mart, oh good grief that was exhausting as Mom would head for the grocery side of the store while Dad headed to the electronics. It was like herding cats.
Finally I told them that the major grocery store that they liked had on-line ordering and curb-side pickup. Dad said he had a better idea, I could just drive them to the grocery store and come back a half hour later to pick them up...... yeah right, half hour later they would be only be in aisle 10 out of 26.
I had to put my foot down, I was going to use on-line ordering. It was a Godsend, it worked beautifully. Even though Mom said the food tasted funny, it was the identical food items she always would buy. Even though my folks had since passed, I am still using the on-line service.
I was one of those also.
Love your response!
That's what I was too. Mom couldn't see over the dashboard and yet she'd be giving me driving directions.
If I turned left instead of making 6 right hand turns to get her home from a store, she'd get mad.
Some things, I really won't miss.