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Now after my precious grandma passed almost 4 months I been coming alive. What I mean is, after 9 years of care, you kind of forget you and living for you. My grandma left me the house and some cash, but my awful sisters who gave me so much trouble with gram are actually nice now. I've been helping some of them out only because that always been my nature. The other half of me feels like why are you helping them? That is your money and you took A plus care of gram and she left it to you because all you done. Now picture this, I also took care of my mom and dad as well. I have always taken care of people. So I want to move, but I hate hearing stories of how an evil sister I am. I didn't steal nothing from my sister's. Besides the point, I am still trying to recover from the hurt when I had to take care of our parents from afar and not one of them would lend a hand. Now they want me to help them? Any suggestions....

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Stop giving them money l, they will suck you dry. You worked very hard for what you have received. If you have to move away to stop your behavior do it. Sell the house and move to the place of your dreams. You owe sissies nothing. Are you trying to buy their love?
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Don't mistake their attempts at manipulation for true reconciliation. I think you need to learn to separate what your relationship with your family is in reality from what you wish it to be - sure, your sisters are all sweetness and support when they want something from you but they seem to have openly shown their true colours for years before that. You have to be the one who puts yourself first because nobody else will, if that offends them you don't have to give them the opportunity to tell you about it, as painful as it seems sometimes no family is better than a dysfunctional one.
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Go now and live your life for yourself. Run don't walk.....as soon as the money is gone they will go back to treating you like dirt. Its hard to disconnect from family I know from personal experience but your soul will thank you. You don't deserve this....know that.,
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They are being kind, to get money from you. As others have said, stop giving them money and see how it goes -- their true colors will come back to the surface!

When my dad died, my sister and I were guilted into turning over the small life insurance check that dad left for us --- so his wife could pay for his funeral. Mind you, Step mom (or "sheofwhomwenolongerspeak") had a great job in HR, making far more than I will dream of! She just "Didn't have anything liquid" at the time that she could get to. It was crazy! My aunt pulled me aside the next day and said "Your dad intended that money for you. Use it for YOUR family - kids need braces? use it. Roof needs repair? use it. You and DH would like to take a weekend away to a B&B? use it. He will not be here to help you and he would want to help you if he could. This is his way of helping/loving you -- take it, let him."

Same for you -- this money is your loved one's way of thanking you for all that you did in caring for them. Take it. Use it. Feel their appreciation and love each time you use it FOR YOURSELF! [[[hugs]]] to you, because it is very hard to do this, but you will be so much the better for it in the long run!!
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Your grandmother left you the house and some money for taking care of her. You also took care of your mom and dad. Take the money and run. Actually, sell the house and take that money too and run. She left it to you to thank YOU, not them. Please don't feel like you have to help them too.

Let them talk all they want, you won't be there to listen.
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I have Close relationships with my 5 siblings and Never Once have Any one of them Ever asked me for money or ever tried to make me feel guilty for Anything.

I suggest you act as though you haven't any money and see what that will get you. My guess is that they are only coming around and acting nice until your money runs out, then they will return to their normal selves. Don't be snowed under! You deserve to have received the money from your Grandmother, she wanted to repay you for your kindness!
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You take that money and live your own life. Grandma wanted you to have it for all you did for her and your parents. Don't hand it out. Use it for you.
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By helping them out, do you mean you have been giving your sisters money or paying bills for them?

If so, stop. It isn't only that once you run out of money these people will again be nowhere to be seen. It's also that instead of being grateful to you for your help, these people will complain that you don't give them more. Even if you were to end up giving them more than you keep, they would still cling to the story that you took your grandmother's estate and left them out in the cold. This is how people behave when they have a need to justify themselves, a grievance and a sense of entitlement combined. It just is.

You REALLY need to stop listening to anything they have to say about you.

And if you want to move, move. Don't apologise, don't explain, just go.
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I think that guilty feelings are way overrated. I don't get it, but, what I might do, so that I didn't regret forfeiting my rightful property, is to consult with a financial adviser or CPA and see the best way tax wise to preserve the money, while I worked through my grief. Tell others no money is being disbursed at present time. And, then, just let things process. Maybe, your feelings will settle down and you will be able to get a clearer picture of your new found, fond relatives. Then, whether it's a year or two, spend the money the way you feel like. Some people enjoy helping others. Or, you could have need for it. That's your choice.
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Thank you all for the suggestions!!! They think I am greedy, but I wasn't greedy when I took all those years of my life dedicated to grandma. When I took care of my parents, I emptied out my banking account and sold my possessions so my parents didn't have to suffer!!! I didn't think twice!!! You are all right, I am looking at what the heck am I doing.... All the horrible things they done to me between APS and false allegations, to speaking ill about me behind my back and here I am shelling out money to them. I didn't feel obligated, I just want my childhood sisters back!!!! But this will never be, the damage is done. Everything started changing when my parents started getting older and needed help. The 3 most important people in my life passed on and I have nothing to look back at! The house is in the process of closing and I am so freaking excited to leave NY and go to TN. I want to keep looking back but it makes me sad. Please pray for me and my new life.
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anonymous272157 Aug 2019
Calling you greedy is a way to try to make you feel guilty.  DON'T feel guilty.  Of course it is sad. Pray for them, and put them on your grieving list. I'm sorry you should have to revisit everything with them while grieving loved ones who have died.
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Yes they want money. That’s it. If you had none to give them then they would not bother with you. So stop
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Good luck Jessy2you. I hope you have a nice fresh start and new happy beginnings.
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Jessy2you Aug 2019
Thank you soooo much
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Go Jessy Go! Enjoy your new found freedom, and your Granny's money too, she wanted You to have it and you deserve it for all you did for her! Keep hold of Your money to put to good use in your future! 🥂😃❤
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It seems you have been well trained through your life to "do" for people. And when you don't fulfill their expectations with absolute perfection, then they are mean, and you expect and accept that.
It is now time to get some professional care so that you do not spend your life being a doormat for people to step on, and to throw away when it is too muddied by their constant dirt. No one gives doormats anything at all of thanks, of respect; doormats just get the boot when we are done with them.
Saints get statues, but you won't even get that for being shot full of their arrows.

The choice now is yours. Some people thrive on being a victim. There IS some reward for that, though very little. Some few people will look at you with great sadness and pity, and say "Oh, you are so good and they are so awful". But honestly, it isn't worth it.
Little story here. My best friend, who is a gay woman,was with a very narcissistic woman for years. She did everything for her, laundry, cooking, driving, I do mean everything. She became ill then, with cancer. The partner? She walked away. When my friend went to the shrink she was told "Hey, YOU were the one who broke the contract. The contract was working well for your partner. You gave and she took. Now you want something BACK? Nope. That wasn't the deal. And YOU are the one who broke the contract. It's all your fault".
Was that harsh? Yes. It was. But it was also true. We train people in what we expect from them. We train them to respect or disrespect, to be decent to us or not.
Just worth thinking about. If you are so sensitive that some twit calling you the "evil sister" is just too much to bear, I don't see lots of hope. For me, from that particular sister that's a compliment. It would mean I wasn't fulfilling her every wish any more. It would indicate I had grown up. It would mean I am not a trained rat in a maze, but a human being worthy of respect and care.
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Jessy2you Aug 2019
Well this doormat became so old, filled with holes, and scuff marks that I decided to throw it away!!! Lol, thank you Alva!!! Your right, I seemed so programmed to help others that anything to help myself became foreign and I lost myself in transaction. I have been focusing on what you mentioned to me and it makes sense and I will see someone.
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You are doing the right thing. You have done your Caregiving. Its your time. Please don't be sucked in. You owe them nothing. Don't try to explain yourself. And if they ever ask you to come home to care for somebody for whatever reason, a week, a month, say NO!. Its then you tell them that u took care of 3 people for years giving up your life and finances with no help. They will need to work out things themselves.

Come back and tell us how things are going.
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Jessy2you Aug 2019
I can tell you my freedom feels so good and I feel so free. I mean I did my duties with love for gram in everything I did but I was wilting inside. I feel like I just got out of jail lol. I will let you know and I am so happy and at peace with myself. Thank you so much
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They are the what's in it for me, how do I get what she has. Do not feed into their entitlement mentality, sorry, I don't have any to spare, just paid bills. Or, sorry, everything is tied up at the bank right now, I'm short on liquid assets right now. Very kindly tell them your financial advisor told you to quit loaning people/family members money. Did they even offer to repay you? Once the money is gone so will they. They will continue to speak ill of you regardless of what you do for them. Start over, enjoy yourself, you've more than earned it, they have not. Be prepared for a bombardment of crying, accusations of how mean and miserly you are, how you don't care about anyone but yourself. YOU know the truth, they are being spiteful and jealous. Go take care of you, take time for you and ENJOY your newfound freedom, gram and your parents would want you to.
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Jessy2you Aug 2019
Thank you very much and yup I am hearing that and looking at your message. I once was on a group chat with all of them in regards to grams health you know and one sister tried to pin God against me and scripture of deceit, lies, and theft. I laughed it off because Jesus walked beside me throughout. I took myself off all group chat only because it was upsetting me, This one is sick and can't pay for meds or doctor visit, the other one don't have rent money or food for her kids, the other one says we should get eye laser surgery and our teeth done, etc..... All this and the only thing I could think of that really burns me is: Where were you when our parents needed help? Anyway, I won't waste my energy. I broke through the chains and I am certainly not going to be rechained!!! This forum really helped me throughout the years vent
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You should take care of yourself for a big change and forget the rest! You have sacrificed way too much and it sounds like there is no one to ever help you that you can actually depend upon. So, take no prisoners and live your life like the Navy Admiral who in battle once said, "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" and he won for back then the torpedoes did not always work.
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