Should I pre plan for my dad's cremation?

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Should I pre plan for my dad's cremation?

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My dad is 85. He suffered a stroke five years ago, which affected his left side. His arm is constricted, and he drags his left foot. He is also afflicted with AAA (Aorta Abdominal Anyursm), fractured vertebrae, Afib with possible blood flow restriction, blind in one eye.

My dad informed me years ago that he wanted to be cremated with no form of service. He has a DNR.

My question is should I pre plan his cremation by contacting a crematorium directly? This would be a direct cremation, so I see no need to make arrangements with a funeral home.

I know some of his siblings would disapprove, so I made sure my dad included his wishes in his will.

Care Decisions Cremation Funeral Planning

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My opinion is yes to pre-pay. The reason being if he is a Medicaid recipient he is allowed to use up to a certain amount towards that without penalty. If he is not a Medicaid recipient it is still a good idea so that it's taken care of as his assets get used up for his medical care and housing. This is something your father's durable PoA can do for him.

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This was my brother's wish, as well. Hospice gave me the names of several trusted services and I found it quite inexpensive and easy to do. I live in expensive Calfornia but the costs were approximately 2,500. It would have been a good deal less in that I ordered way too many death certificates. I was told that many entities wanted an original. I did not find that to be true. Banks made copies and handed me back the original and many placed accepted my copy of same (credit agencies I notified, and etc).
If you wish this paid now out of Dad's funds, then certain do call in your area and pre-arrange. There is no reason not to.

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So many places will do it by fax. So really no different than a copy. I had 10 and think I have 7 left.

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My step Dad and my Mum have both prepaid for their cremations through a local funeral home. When my step Dad was dying I called the funeral home to confirm what the procedure was for when he died and if he died at home or in the hospital. When he did die a couple weeks later, I had the number to call in my phone and they came to get him.

We met with the funeral home people a couple days later. David had a memorial service at his Church. Because he was cremated we waited 10 days, which gave time for out of town family to attend.

I also helped to organize an uncles cremation about 18 years ago. I can confirm that it is far easier to have to planned ahead of time, whether or not you plan to have a service.

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Your question: "My question is should I pre plan his cremation by contacting a crematorium directly? "

I found this link that explains what a funeral home will do, and what a crematorium will do. Under crematorium, I didn't see "picking up the body" as one of the services. Be sure to confirm this or else, you might have to deliver the body to them. Eew!!! I don't want to save money on that service. But yes, working directly with a crematorium will cost less.

https://www.oneworldmemorials.com/pages/working-with-funeral-homes

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I went through a funeral home to prepay for my mothers direct cremation. The funeral home rep was able to guide me through the state’s rules and regulations regarding the possibility of needing to plan for Medicaid in the future. Every state is different. The rep also educated me on expenses I hadn’t even thought of, such as picking up the body, storage, containers, obituary, death certificates and other fees, and I was able to pre-plan for these expenses using her funds, all while following the appropriate guidelines if I need Medicaid for her in the future. I wanted to prearrange everything ahead of time for several reasons. I wanted to make sure funds would be available. I didn’t want to run around at the last minute or make calls in the middle of the night to find a funeral home. I was able to meet and be comfortable with the facility that would be handling my mothers final arrangements. I was clear headed and relaxed when I made the prearrangements. And now, it’s done - the paperwork is all ready and it’s one less thing I need to stress about.

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I prepaid, and when LO was diagnosed, the funeral home was an enormous support in preparing me with what to do.

By the Grace of God, LO recovered, and when I told them we’d be a while longer before using their services, they rejoiced with me that her health had returned!

I found no disadvantages to prepaying.

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Going thru a funeral home may help in some ways. Like said, picking up the body for one. But no need for embalming or getting body ready for viewing. The funeral home will contact Social Security of the death and supply the death certificate. Mine supplied me with 10. Of course the cost was included in the price of the funeral. With my in-laws, the crematorium and funeral home were one and the same. So we had no problems there.

I would check both out. What the crematorium will do and what a funeral home will do. With my Mom, we used the funeral home to set up a prepaid funeral trust. It was a separate company so I didn' need to use it just for that funeral home.

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My dad was cremated. I used the funeral home he chose for arrangements. They were extremely helpful. They provided many of the details I didn’t think of regarding cremation. They didn’t try to up sell or cross sell any services or products. They made it a stressful time very seamless.

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If your dad is able to help make some of these decisions let him help you make the plans. With his direct involvement his siblings can’t say these were not his wishes.
Most funeral homes also have a crematorium so you can deal with a funeral home or contact a crematorium yourself. Many will come to the house to make things easier.
If dad does not want to be involved and you already know his wishes then go ahead and plan and even pay for the services you want. Less likely they will try talking you into “extras” later.

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Arranging the cremation through a funeral home is very helpful. It may cost a little more than going directly through a cremation facility, but the funeral home can guide you through all the things that need to be done and can be a welcome emotional support at this difficult time.

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Having recently priced various options, I learned that going through a funeral home costs WAY more than a cremation facility. See my response to Concerned43 above for specifics.

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I'd like to ask a "follow-up" question: is there a way to prepay for a cremation if one doesn't know where he will be when he dies and has no special reason to have it done in a particular area--that is, a nationwide chain that would honor it anywhere? Thanks!

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I prepaid for myself and my dementia sister. Both of us live/reside in Orange County, CA and their contract says they will cremate anywhere in CA. She can't travel and my "wish-list" travel plans(outside the state) are complete.

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My hubby and I are both having cremation. I did it thru one of our local funeral directors who also does the cremation. No services for us either, He was excellent, no pushing, etc when I met with him. For our childrens sake, I prepaid our cremations, we have our stone in place. We are being buried on our daughters grave. I like the fact of using a funeral director because if you decide to change some things, you can without a problem. If you have your fathers durable poa, you can do it. I am glad you made sure it was in his will. For us, we have living wills as well. When the time comes, our funeral director will come and pick up the body and take him directly to cremation. Best of luck. Hugs

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We prepaid with a local funeral home for both my in-laws. My MIL was buried but my FIL wanted to be cremated and have ashes buried at military cemetery. The funeral home is also a crematorium so they handled everything. My MIL died while we were out of town for a family wedding. So having everything in place was very helpful.

For MIL we had graveside service. She was embalmed as we had to wait for out of town family. Funeral service offerings have changed as people have stopped having 3 day wakes as they did 50 years ago but we were able to customize what we needed.

i don’t know if there would have been a financial advantage to going to a facility that was just a crematorium. Maybe but the funeral home handled everything for us so I never considered it.

in your case, depending on where your father lives, there is a charge to collect the body. Be sure to compare costs as well as the cost to you in time and stress to arrange for death certificates, notification to Social Security, etc if not handled by the place you choose. Funeral home helped write obituary. Sent it to newspaper and posted it on their website as well. Due to Covid, we have not yet placed the ashes and they are holding them for us until next month when hopefully we get service done.

We are doing a partial burial of his ashes in cemetery with my MIL and I bought a second urn on Amazon for that. Who knew they sold cremation urns?

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Speaking of obituaries, I'll take this opportunity to warn that it is very important to take a part in writing this, and then proofreading it afterward. The day after my sister and I lost our mother, we went to the funeral home that was providing the usual services, and along with making the arrangement we worked through the obituary with the funeral director only to find out the funeral home had already put one on its website with practically all the information incorrect. (Other than being in the nursing home here, our mother had never actually lived here or developed her career here, but the obituary was written as if she had been a local resident all her adult life, coupled with misspellings, etc.--maybe this had been scribbled together the night of her death, with the writer having chosen to ASS/U/ME all the details.) I was furious when I saw this on their website, and immediately contacted them and made them change it, reminding them that we had gone through the details the previous day. I wrote my own version of it from scratch and sent it, and they put it on their website.

It just shows that one must oversee every step because, as the saying goes, if you've done all you can to make sure no one could possibly make a mistake, someone will. Frankly, I was simply amazed that something like this could be botched so badly by someone "guessing" instead of using facts.

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You could google “cremation society.” There are many locations out there, though not certain if they are affiliated. My mother is on Medicaid, so there won’t be much money for a funeral home or extra services. The cremation society nearest her offers transportation. That is the route we plan to go.

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I bought a cremation service for my mother two years ago -- she is still living. She also wants no service. I bought it through a funeral home that also does cremations. It was $1500 and that included 12 death certificates and a cardboard box. Because we will sprinkle her ashes and don't intend on keeping any contained, we didn't buy an urn. From time to time I wonder if this price and the ease of purchase will be all there is to it -- specifically, if this price will be honored for, say, 6-7 years, if she lives that long. Every indication is that she will...

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If you go on Amazon you can find very affordable cigar boxes ($30 and under)--they are thick and of great quality that can store ashes and they look better than what they sell in funeral homes at a fraction of the cost. I have my parents' ashes in two boxes next to each other. These boxes also keep moisture out, although I have kept them in their plastic baggies. The divider in the middle of the cigar box comes out.

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After my Mom died suddenly in 2014 and I had to make arrangements quickly, my husband, Dad and I made pre-arrangements with the Sound Choice cremation society. One less thing to think about when the time comes. I encourage everyone to do this. We chose simple cremation with no service, but they have many options to choose from.

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Better to know where you wish your father's remains to be processed - and the cost associated. Then, put money aside specifically for this purpose or pre-pay. As for memorial services after his passing, those ceremonies are for the benefit of the survivors. Let the rest of the family have whatever memorial gathering that helps them with his passing.

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Pre-pay with Dad's money, unless you're independently well off. Smart move for Dad; full funerals with embalming and such are a massive scam. Don't let them talk you into buying a coffin for the cremation or an overpriced urn.

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You did right, and go ahead with pre planning that a few years ago, also had to do the planning for my mom, she had no will or plans whatsoever. Hopefully you have funeral or burial insurance. Your dad is 85 and it may be a bit of an issue if he does not have burial insurance. My mom got insured at 86 with a company called Royal Neighbors. Anyway good luck with the rest of the family. Glad you have things in writing.

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Yes--always pre-plan because it is a lot cheaper. Do what your father wants. He is thinking of his family. My father wanted the cheapest possible cremation because he was worried about the expenses of living and sure enough I had to get the roof changed, new water heater, washing machine (they all had ongoing problems). Money is for the living. I put my father's ashes in a wooden cigar box--they are not only very inexpensive, but very well made of high quality--better than what the funeral home was trying to sell. My parents' ashes are in an antique cabinet.

If you are wealthy, go ahead and get a solid gold casket -- but for the majority of us the funeral business will gouge the daylights out of you: Death is a very serious and very expensive process, and be sure to also do ESTATE PLANNING with an eldercare attorney. Believe me you will regret it if you don't.

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Yes, follow his wishes. Yes, pre-plan. When someone passes and we are upset, that is not the time to try to find information, that is the time to pull out the file with the pre-planning information.

What you have to know is what happens in your area when someone dies. Does a funeral home in fact have to be involved, legally? I would call a local funeral home and get the information from them and proceed from there. They know what the laws are and what needs to be done.

Once you know how it works you'll be prepared to know what you want to do when the time comes.

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HI. Was just thinking about you. Since we are in the same area could you tell me who you used to prepay for cremation. I think about this occasionally and just feel I don't know where to begin

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Agree with the others saying yes, and just to add that this is a far less expensive method than burial; in addition many areas of our country have Memorial Societies or similar, more of a consumer organization that helps to plan with a no frills cremation or burial. It would most likely be perfect for your dad's needs.
I suspect the bigger issue for you is the disapproval of the siblings, so pre-planning will take that stress off you somewhat more by saying DAD made his own arrangements and wishes known years ago, and it's not their decision, and his wishes MUST be respected.

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We did this about 9 years before my husband passed. With Neptune Society. I'm not saying use them, but they were very good. The price we paid at the time was little over $500 each and never changed. To answer Jacob's question: Neptune Society is world wide (they have partners overseas).There may be other cremation companies that are also national and worldwide. Good question! We carried our Neptune cards with us when we traveled overseas. When my husband was pretty far gone with Alzheimers, I suddenly noticed some ads in the paper for cremations, and was soooo glad we purchased ours when we did. The price is high even for cremations. Not sure it works this way now, but then, when we purchased it, the price never changed, and at my husband's death, we met at their office and went through any extras we wanted, which would have raised the price. They picked up the body from the AL, brought it to a funeral home, had to arrange for refrigeration, which may have been extra but it was for some reason, and I didn't have pay for that, but there is a daily charge for that. Also, I arranged to have him cremated in his Army Dress Blues and as I couldn't imagine just a bare body. He was a 22 year career soldier. They informed the government agencies of his death, arranged the inurnment at our National cemetery, arranged and received copies of the death certificates we needed (you get 3 and can ask for more at extra $, and would have done more if we needed or wanted it. I read recently the cost of cremations was going up to over $3000 each. Not sure what Neptune's price now is. Find out all this info at time of purchase. We each got a wooden box with a key for our cremains. And all I had to do was reach in the closet for the box. Also,we didn't have any family nearby to squabble about having a viewing. My husband didn't want that, and he only had one sister living who wouldn't have able to come, and my family was cross country so they wouldn't have come, only 1 child, so no other family besides me and sons family.
His was so easy, all we did was pick up the phone and they handled it from there.
A lot off my shoulders after just putting him in AL and getting him settled, he fell several times, and I spent several straight days at the hospital overnight. I was exhausted and doing the paperwork was so easy with this company for the burial.

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As he has put it in his will - very sensible - I wouldn't even discuss it with his siblings if you are his executor, arrange what he would want and invite them to attend or not depending on whether they can accept his wishes are the most important thing.
If you can pre-arrange with a simple cremation only policy I would do so, I'm not sure you can pre-plan direct with a crematorium until time of death. However if you choose the funeral director who you will use for transport and support I am sure they will be happy to advise you at this time and to create a file for when the time comes if this is what would put your mind at rest.
How very sensible of your father to have discussed what he wants with you - so many people leave it too late.

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This sounds EXACTLY like my Mom's wishes. My Dad pre-planned through the Neptune Society, right down to their wooden boxes to hold their ashes. My sister thought it was morbid. The boxes sat in their closet for years. My Mom passed last March. When the time came, we contacted the Neptune Society and they took care of everything. It was SEAMLESS. At a time when we were all grieving, it was such a relief. It's difficult when the living doesn't agree with your Father's wishes. But it's HIS wishes, not theirs.

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Definitely get a pre-planned cremation.

It prevents a lot of fights and maybe a court battle.

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All good suggestions here, but I'd like to add one thing.
If his siblings are not in agreement on cremation NOW is the time to talk to them. Ideally your Dad should tell them his wishes. When the time comes, everyone will know that's what he wanted and not hold you responsible.

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The time immediately following a death is fraught with emotions and a LOT of well meaning, but useless information from the funeral industry.

Dad and Mother had pre-planned everything. When Daddy went, mother was able to spend less than an hour at the cemetery offices. I wrote the obituary, it was very expensive, but we knew that many of dad's friends and colleagues were not going to be able to make it to the viewing or funeral. And daddy deserved the accolades. Many people put obits on FaceBook--even if you aren't a FB user, you still will get the message.

It was able to give us peace! Mother was horribly embarrassed by the inexpensive casket daddy chose, and did want to 'upgrade' that, but we told her he chose this one b/s he was a frugal man to the end and he was in his right mind when he chose it. Also, as being military, the flag completely covered the casket.

DH and I have chosen cremation. A dear friend made our 'urns'. They are GORGEOUS and made with such love. I toyed with the idea of having them be kind of a 'traveling trophy' and the kids could pass them around. (Yes, we have a bit of dark humor in the family!)...all 5 kids took a pass at that. So they sit in our office and we can enjoy looking at them.

This post reminds me I need to call the cemetery and purchase 2 niches. And probably check into cremation. I do not know of any 'stand alone' crematoriums. In our state, they are all affiliated with a mortuary. But I am definitely going to take care of that sooner rather than later.

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I had to deal with this situation 6 months ago when my husband passed. I had investigated cremation services a few years before he passed and discovered that direct cremation was much less expensive than using the Neptune Society's prepaid option. However, at least in Florida where I live, you cannot prepay a direct cremation; you must buy it at "time of need." The crematory that I used in central Florida charges $695 if you pick up the ashes yourself, which is what I did. It does include picking up the body and transporting it to the crematorium.
Death certificates were $10 each, and the crematorium provided information on how many and who needed one. A certificate of cremation was provided to give to the cemetery if burial or inurnment will occur. A cardboard box containing the ashes is included in the $695. This is capable of being X-rayed and is required if you will be transporting the ashes on an airplane -- an X-ray cannot penetrate a metal urn. I purchased a beautiful urn from the crematorium for $200, but you can find them elsewhere (on-line) for less.
The people I dealt with at the crematorium were excellent. Everything was handled with dignity. I subsequently transported the ashes to another state for inurnment in a columbarium purchased previously.
Honor your father's wishes. His siblings' wishes are not his. And do not be cajoled into spending more than is actually necessary. Investigate how things work in whatever state you live; perhaps prepayment of a direct cremation is allowed in your state, but if it's the same as in Florida, it is a very uncomplicated procedure.
Blessings on you.

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Of course you can make the arrangements. Then if something happens, you simply place the call and they will handle it.

If anyone mentions it later on, you can just say these arrangements were made long ago at the request of my father. Plus the will confirms that. Some folks just don't believe in cremation, but their opinion should be reserved for how their own body is handled.

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Should I pre plan for my dad's cremation?

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