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I am POA for my Dad who we’ve just moved to Assisted Living. As his POA I am selling his house to help fund his living expenses. I have been giving my siblings updates on how the House situation is going via e-mail because we are scattered across the country. My brothers and sister ganged up on me in a recent phone call. They didn’t feel like I should fix things on the house to sell it and that I should not organize and clean out drawers and cabinets. They said to not TOUCH any of their stuff. I told them I was separating things into boxes with each of their names on them so they could go through when the house sells and that I wasn’t throwing anything of theirs away. They want to come after it sells in July and go through everything then. My brother actually said “your POA don’t mean sh—t”. From what I understand about a POA, I don’t have to tell them anything about what I’m doing. It is between me and my Father. I am thinking of hiring a mediator or lawyer to be there when me and my siblings choose the remaining items. My brother has anger and authority issues and I’m sure he is mad that he wasn’t named POA. I am tired of him challenging every decision I make. Is it ok to stop sharing information and just tell him to back off?

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You are POA. You have a fiduciary duty to your FATHER and in fact should not be sharing things with others. You have no obligation to do so. My advice is that you stop doing so.

If you do not understand what the rules are in being a fiduciary as a POA you should attend an attorney to be informed. It is a LEGAL obligation you cannot afford to get wrong. Keep meticulous records of every single penny in and every single penny out to start with. Your document allows that you are able to pay for expert advice. Please get it.
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I told my brothers nothing. I was POA and my document said I could buy and sell. If your siblings want anything out of the house, then they need to come and get it now. They should never have left it there. I did the same thing you did, everyone had a box and what I found of their stuff got put in the box. I would tell them that your not a storage company and if there are certain pieces of furniture they want or items, tell u. But, you will only keep them for a certain length of time.

Just do what u need to do.
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I am sorry that your siblings don’t understand this situation. I think you explained things well to them and you reassured them that you aren’t throwing any of their items away. What else do they expect from you?

Jealousy can ruin relationships. No doubt, they aren’t in your corner, offering their support. I realize that it would be nice to have their support. I’m sure their behavior is causing additional stress for you.

You know what needs to be done in order to secure care for your dad. You do not need their permission or approval.

Respect goes both ways. You have shown them respect. They have not returned it. I’m so sorry.

Just continue to care of what is needed.

Inform them when they can come to pick up their belongings or if they need to have them shipped out to them.
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Well, it’s almost July, but they should have come and gotten their childhood crap out of the house when they started their adult lives, or when care placement became the plan. And they should have offered to pay for storage and moving their stuff as well if it interferred with staging the house. You’re nice to box it all up.
They are unlikely to understand, but that’s why you were selected to be POA. Don’t worry about them, you’re doing what you need to do. A tidy, cleaned up home will sell better and get more viewings than one that looks like work needs to be done by the new owners. And frankly, it’s not their call to make.
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I have had 5 POA's in recent years, I did what had to be done for the issuer as it was my fiduciary duty. I was also the PR after death.

Yes, there were some battles that I had to face, but I kept my cool, not letting anyone sabotage what I knew had to be done.

Keep your resolve do what is best for your father, it is just greed coming out, that is usually what happens, it is not about what is best for the LO.

Yes, move forward, you have no legal responsibility to tell your brother anything.

Good Luck!
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Love that they want to come get their stuff after all the work is done. We know they never will.
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MeDolly Jun 2023
No truer words spoken!
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My mother asked me to be her POA and manage her affairs which I did. My oldest brother, who is well known and well respected in the community, told the nursing home that he was POA and even signed some legal documents for my mom. I did not challenge him which was a HUGE mistake. Make sure you have documentation, then duplicate it and send it to your family. If they take the time to read it, all questions are answered and you don't have to deal with them anymore. If they don't read it, you have done what you could to inform them. Mom wanted the family to have her things so I set up a date for everyone to come to take what they wanted. I saw relatives I hadn't seen for years! They brought trailers and cleaned out the house. That was that and I didn't have to do anything further with them. You shouldn't store or pay to ship anything. If they want it, they will come. Set a deadline and stick to it.
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Funny how the people not doing any of the heavy lifting have the loudest voice.
An opinion is like an a******...everybody has one! You're not going to get the most money out of the house if it's not cleaned up, in good working condition and uncluttered. It's not like you're remodeling the kitchen. If there is a big ticket item that needs repair or replaced, your realtor can advise you if it makes sense to sell the house "as is" or fix it.

Don't bother with a mediator...just tell your siblings to help or bug off.
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From my experience from moving my BIL out of his apartment to a NH and then dealing with family I would have liked to have a lawyer there or mediator with me. Family can be mean believe me I went thru it with them. I was accused of everything under the sun with them. I wasn't POA of my BIL I was his representative payee for social security. His family wanted me to put everything that he had in storage so they could come at their time to get items they wanted from his apartment. When I gave them a deadline to pick things up it was HELL. They took everything including cleaning supplies and they did it out of spite. If we didn't put things in our vehicle to keep we wouldn't have had anything to try to clean that place up. All I took was a table and 4 chairs the rest of the family took everything and the rest went to the Goodwill. Haven't seen that side of the family since then.

Keep doing what you want to do with what your father wants and if you have too put things in storage that belongs to them the rest sell for him to be in his place he is now.

Prayers
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This sounds more of a issue then POA - Sounds like no one gets along . Lawyers and mediators don’t do much - stuff is stuff - why don’t you just ship everything to them and call it a day . I would think people would be more interested in visiting him then dividing up stuff .
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Mds1954 Jun 2023
It would be a lot of furniture. An antique car, plus tons of person stuff to my brother in Colorado. And furniture and personal stuff to my brother in California. This would be coming from Virginia. I’m not going to do anything with their stuff. If they want it, they need to come get it. And you are correct- I don’t get along with my brothers. My sister and I have a better relationship but not terrific.
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