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FIL is in memory care. His ATM card was disabled by hubby when it went to the center. Letting him have it was not an issue that way and if holding it made him feel better then why not, I mean he definitely finds comfort in holding/having the card. Disablement of his AMT card was actually at another's request but also, we were told/warned no valuables in center, so it just made sense to end it when he did. At the time he didn't qualify to even leave center yet there hadn't even been an initial set up meeting because the center was very behind. The center is all inclusive so there wasn't really anything for him to buy in memory care anyway. We have THAT ONE family member that just makes everything so much harder than it should be. He was taking Dad out of the center and not properly signing him out, not informing the memory care staff etc. Well because we didn't know they were even going out to eat when Dad wanted to pay for their meal the card was obviously declined which upset him, understandably. Before the care meeting was even done and as soon as meals out were discussed, we offered to reimburse for reasonable meals out with a receipt what/when it was for, but apparently that is not enough.... They are insisting he have access to his money, his brother is anyway. We feel like receipts are a no brainer because we were told we have to account for everything, and it MUST be spent on Dad for reasonable needs but I am getting a strong vibe he is not willing to provide receipts which is super hanky IMO. There are more complicated issues at play but the question really is what do YOU ALL to allow funds while still keeping track for accountability (and for us there is a side safety issue with diet too). It's not that we don't want to have a reasonable amount offered for him but we also don't want to be in trouble if it's not spent wisely. We can't do an ATM with a weekly allowance with his bank, only daily is an option, so if it got stollen or lost and say it had 60-100 daily limit we might not notice for some time and a lot could be gone. Cash is not wise for his needs, does anyone else have safe ways they do it? We will have to ask APS what amount is ok to lose without being in trouble but I'd love to know what others allot for LO's. Legally POA/Hubby is responsible for his safety and finances so finding balance with wats and needs is proving problematic and of course the one family member has made us the bad guy for everything that has happened just because we have to follow rules and he doesn't like the rules so erg such a pain in the backside. Thanks so much, ya'll I am so grateful to have this forum. I think it's kept me sane-ish....

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Prepaid reloadable debit card. AMX Bluebird has solved many problems for us as it works by allowing subaccounts that only the primary account holder can control the in/outs of funds and leaves a paper trail without the need for individual receipts. I in no way would reactivate the ATM card but instead find a card that allows spending for LO, yet allows control of funds by a primary.
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MickiLyn Jun 2022
I didn't know such a thing existed. I am not sure it would show what we need specifically though. Can I ask what you load weekly? Or Monthly?
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My bank allows one to have two debit cards. One can have just a small amount on it which I use for online purchases, so that a hacker couldn't get a lot of money. It usually just has $100 or so. You can transfer money from the main account to this small one by simply phoning the bank. I'm not sure this would solve part of the problem. As for saving receipts, I'd suggest some of these large colored large 8 1/2 x 11 envelope-like things you can find at the dollar stores (excuse me: now $1.25 stores). Then you can stick a label on each one, e.g. April 2022, May 2022, or April-May 2022, etc. The trick is to remember to put your receipts in each appropriate envelope, which is just a question of habit.

Not sure if these suggestions address your problems, but good luck!
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MickiLyn Jun 2022
Actually, I like this idea a lot. Maybe we can get a card and load a bit at a time when we see it is used appropriately reload it as needed.
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Mom does not use her ATM card, yet she carries it.

She may be the last person on earth who writes checks for EVERYTHING. So having receipts is not a problem.

Maybe dad could use the checkbook receipt column to keep track of his spending. He writes down the amt he spends in the column where you'd write down the check amt. My friend is also terrified of the ATM card and if she has to use the card, she is very careful to write the amt down.

My bank is so on top of things, if I make a purchase that seems weird, they will text or call me before they OK it. I imagine your dad has the same basic spending habits, and so a charge of $200 to a women's clothing store, for example, would pop up as being 'wrong'. You'd need to contact the bank for that service, probably.
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MickiLyn Jun 2022
He hasn't done his own checks for a couple years I wonder if he could get back into that habit...
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We've used this type of card for years to control allowances to our elderly family members. Many banks have a variation to the AMX one with different features. We've used four different ones and found the AMX to be the best for our situation.
With the Bluebird, you can load weekly, daily, monthly or transfer $$ to/from the primary account as often as necessary depending on how tight you want to control the money flow. I have no answer to give on amounts as I have tailored each of my multiple subaccounts to the individuals needs. Some get a few dollars each day and others get larger amounts a few times a year as their various gifts -- all depending on their ability to handle their own finances. Check out www.bluebird.com if you want more info on what it offers.
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I have Dad's accounts set up so that there is a big account (his pension, money from selling his house, etc) and then a small one. There is an automatic transfer every month into the small one. He has that debit card and check book and there is a low limit on the size of transactions and the total amount per day. He mainly likes to online shop, and so this is a way for him to do it without getting into the nest egg (I have the debit card and checkbook on that one).

He periodically complains about this set up and I'll do some print outs of the accounts so he can "go over expenses" but I have been trying to avoid giving him online access to the accounts (he has a bad habit of messing up a password on something, and then bashing his way into getting locked out) but he still complains (mainly to my sister, who takes his side! Fun!)

The nice thing about the debit card is that everything is tracked through the bank, so I can see what money is spent on. I keep careful records of anything spent on his behalf.

It's not perfect, but it's working (and he doesn't have a diagnosis, so I can't "keep him from his money" as he says, I can only try to help manage things so he doesn't give the info away to scammers or spend himself into the poorhouse on Amazon.com)
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Trying to get a person to remember how to write checks after losing that functionality is a lesson in futility. Oh...and so many get voided or returned by the bank, it is a waste of time and return fees. Been there, done that and have a whole book of voided checks to prove it.🤦‍♀️
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