Follow
Share

Does anyone else experience the joy of people who come to visit and then seem determined to remain the rest of the evening? My one person who does come now and then to let me run errands was coming today and was to be here by 1:30. I was ready. I made sure Mom was settled, had been changed, fed, etc. all is well. 2:00 rolled around and no sitter. checked on Mom, all is well. By 2:30 sitter still not here. Had to be there before closing so sent a text, hid the key in the usual place, checked Mom who was fast asleep and decided I would go ahead and make a quick run there and back...Sitter ended up being over 2 hours late but no problem as I had already run my errand and was headed back when she called and advised she had just arrived. Went ahead at that point and made one quick stop then headed home. For some reason the least little afternoon of activity, especially when I feel particularly rushed, just wears me out. I got home, checked on Mom, fed her and made sure she was settled and fixed a pot of coffee. Had to serve the sitter...as usual. I have to add by five o'clock I am starting to wear out and that is when I begin my evening routine of cleaning, changing, getting Mom settled in, taking care of the other housework and pets, and finally, finally getting to put my feet up to watch the evening news, which for me now, is my Eden.....sitter remained...I began to drop subtle hints, then not so subtle hints, then more coffee was requested...finally after 7:00 I was getting near that so tired I am about ready to cry phase and finally just told her, I have got to finish my evening routine before I completely run out of energy...She cranked up the internet games and began playing those....I finally corralled her towards the door and felt like I was almost being rude, but I swear I was about ready to scream by then. I enjoy coffee with company as much as anyone, but short visits please...why do people not understand we do not feel like long winded visits . Or maybe it is just me....anyone else?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Just be honest and tell her you're exhausted and need to get ready for bed. Otherwise, adjust your schedule and ask her to come in the morning so she's gone by early afternoon.

Another option is to enlist more of her help with mom when she's there, for example, thanks for being here Evelyn, can you change moms bedding while I give her her bath?; Evelyn, here's dinner for you and mom, I'm heading in to take a quick shower -- close your door and watch the news in peace in your room, soak in the tub....it's okay. As long as sitter is there, make the most of it and go about your business without having to watch mom.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Hope22~It may be time to look for someone else to come help if possible. If not remove the computer games,etc from the sight of this person, offer one cup of coffee, let's say it is 3:00pm, tell her you have to leave for an appt for your mother at 4:oopm or some other reason that fits your situation, by 3:30, thank her for coming over and head for the door. People like this don't get it and most likely will not get it, Is there any possibility that she has no real intentions of helping you in the first place?? I hope you can find a caregiver to come in for a few hours once or twice a week.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Just be honest with her. When you get back, "Thanks for helping out today and we will see you blablabla" while standing at the door. It is your house and you don't need a reason to excuse a visitor. If this is a set activity each week then let her know the hours you need help.

When she asks for coffee just let her know sorry, you don't have time today. Caregivers have busy, stressful lives and should not be expected to provide entertainment. Visitors in your home should only be there as long as you want them there!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Hahah I used to say" oh, I'm sure you're here to talk to mom, I'll leave you two alone". Then I'd leave the room and go lay down or whatever..and shut the door.
People got used to my bluntness, but they also understood. In the days of care taking, you have too much else to worry about without dealing with game playing zombie friends. If you can't kick her out, be brave and be strong. Even if it comes off sounding rude. You're entitled to protect yourself and your privacy.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Hope22, you say, soon as you get back from where you've been: "one cup of coffee then I'm going to have to kick you out, I'm afraid." Even better, when you ask this person to come over to 'mind the shop' clarify at that time that you expect her to leave soon after. Keep it light, but Never Apologise, Never Explain - you need her to leave. She doesn't need to know more than that.

But then it gets ticklish. Is this person a family member, or a neighbour, or a close friend? - because people don't usually stay on like that unless they think it is socially okay to do so. And if the person isn't way out of line expecting you to enjoy her company, I'm not sure how all right it is for you to ask her to babysit while you go out, then buzz off the second you get back - it's taking advantage of her a bit, isn't it?

Looking back, when my children were little my (lovely) SIL used to plant herself on us for hours at a time (not that she did any babysitting. Come to think of it, not that I'd have left the children alone with her. Ever. The one time she held a baby she dropped it on its head); but she was lonely, and she loved us, and now I wish I'd just cooked and cleaned and bathed the children around her and not internally cursed her for being in my way. About as much use as a chocolate teapot, but where does it say people have to be useful to be good, sweet friends?

If your house guest/sitter (??? - would she like to make up her mind which?!) seriously sits there playing games on the computer, she must really want to hang out at your place, I guess? Goodness, is she a bit like my SIL?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I get up at 4 am for work so I often go to bed by 8 or 830, and the folks are early to bed to watch TV types. My in laws are stay up late types,, they often "pop in" at 8! I have had this job for 16 years! I know it's only 3 days a week but my body is on this schedule! Then FIL and hubs cousin will call as late as 11pm... and if Hubs is not in the mood to talk he lets the dang phone ring! I don't know who to shoot first! But the ILs are 89 and 91, so I know I wont change anything at this point My folks have been here for 9 months, they just the heck with it and go to bed.. why can't I do this!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

haha...I know! amazing isn't it!!! they show up, I'm still in pj's, one roller on top of my head, no makeup...yeah baby, I'm ready for company...NOT...!!!!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If she is there and you have work to do, put her to work helping you. "Oh good thing you are here, I have a ton of work to do so you can help me by doing the dishes while I do the laundry. Oh and when you are done that could you please vacuum the living room while I get Mom ready for bed?"

Rocknrobin is right - she can't read minds so you must tell her. And if she has dementia you will have to tell her over again and again.

People only treat you how you allow them to treat you - so much easier said than done though, as I well know myself. Maybe while she is there watching mom you could go out and talk to a therapist about assertiveness training and self-care? That has really helped me a lot! Wishing you the best!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

oh me pamzimmrrt.....do you think of shooting folks too??? you're not alone....it's kind of sad really because when my cousin first gets here, I will be happy to see her and we enjoy the visit, BUT no matter how early she arrives...she is here until the late hours...always....now when I ask her to come and join us early, like on a holiday, she will sleep way late and drift in here around 2:00. I am starving, the food is either cold or I have waited to grill, etc. can't win for losing with this one...and like she said, she does what she wants when she wants... :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My sister in law will arrive late, then lay down on my couch and say she has a headache.... Yes Hope22, I often want to shoot someone..LOL
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter