While watching the movie a lot senior commercials came on, one was about senior abuse in nursing homes. Mom moved in with us after a very bad illness 2 months ago and it has been hard, to say the least. She made a comment about how they would have a field day with her because of all the skin tears on her hands. Now my husband said it was her attempt at humor, I found it to be a very frighting thing for her to have said. My mother was a nurse and then a nursing home administrator for years. I know how serious these types of thing are. I have seen her demeanor become very petty and dramatic. I am concerned. Should I worry or was my husband correct? Her skin is so thin and she is on blood thinners. Not much I can do about the bruising and tears. She is 80 and we were never close, I am trying to do my best, I have no siblings and I will not ask my children to help. They now avoid my house because of her.
One thing that seems to be universal among adult children who didn't get on with their parents? They seem to think that caring for them during their later years will in some way repair the relationship and cause the parent to say "oh, what a wonderful child you've ways been!".
That doesn't happen. What your relationship was like before will continue. Old age does not make parents grateful...add in dementia? Even more so.
Let her comment roll off your back for now but get a plan in place for her to age elsewhere.
More importantly, it sounds like there is tension with the current living situation. Caring for an elder parent can be extremely difficult and stressful. Especially if you and her were not close prior to now. Sounds like I t’s time to consider other living arrangements. Where did she live until she came to your home ? Does she have a home or apt ? If she is able to do her own bathing, dressing, and daily care she may do well on her own, or in senior independent living. If she needs help with ADLs, assisted living is needed. Evaluate what are her options, and move toward that plan. There is much info on this site about different levels of senior care. Or contact a local social worker or council of aging. Don’t sacrifice your own (+/or your family’s) health and happiness trying to please someone who can be petty and dramatic.
It's quite a common subject for gallows humour, actually; along with having gone too many rounds with Mike Tyson; and "you should see the other fella."
If you're really worried, document. Get a good body map, take copies, and keep notes of any bruises, contusions, spontaneous bleeds, pressure areas and what have you, with date and cause recorded.
Meanwhile... what are the next steps? Are you discussing plans with your mother for when she stops living with you?
Or, are you on edge because now, bringing Mom to live with you doesn’t seem like it was such a good idea? Your husband could be right. We all say things that seem hilarious to us but fall flat with everyone else.
If Mom has all her mental capacity, you may want to have a calm conversation with her. She will turn petty and dramatic for sure, and threaten to move out but, stand your ground that her attitude is not acceptable in YOUR home. Tell her finding somewhere else for her to go is an option if her attitude doesn’t change. Cite specific occurrences like, “Remember that time Johnny came over and you weren’t very nice to him? Well, now he doesn’t want to come over. I miss him.” I had to do that with my mother. Her attempts at sarcastic humor weren’t appreciated by my family and I told her so. Your mom sounds like an intelligent woman and like my mom, if you are honest with her and don’t just let her behavior slide, she’ll change her tune.
I know that we caregivers are all amateurs trying our best but I have to ask if something you are doing incorrectly is causing all of these skin tears, although bruising is a common consequence of blood thinners tears should be preventable. Perhaps an occupational therapist could give you some guidance on ways to accomplish care tasks with an eye to reducing the risk of skin tears.
Hopefully when Mom is better, you can place her in a nice AL or take her home. Its not fair that you don't see ur own children because of her attitude. And I would tell her that when she is well enough to be on her own again. I think some people need a rude awakening about how their negativity and rudeness effects others. You may want to set boundries now before Mom gets too comfortable. Remember that ur an adult and need to be shown respect just like Mom expects it. And...its your home. Your kids should be able to feel they can come and go.