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Mom age 91 with vascular dementia, has been in MC for 17 months. After a phone call yesterday that she is sick, I'm thinking I wouldn't know the first thing to do if she dies. My brother and I are both 70+. I am POA and will executor. Brother lives in Mom's house. I would like to avoid exorbitant attorney fees if possible. I found her will which divides everything equally between my brother and me. Is there some place I can find simple directive steps to follow? Or are there legal trip-ups that really need an attorney? TIA

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One of the best things to do would be to arrange a pre paid funeral, or cremation using her funds if she has any. Funeral home will cancel her social security if she has any.

Keep in mind that your POA ends upon her death. You can no longer write checks on her accounts.

Have the funeral home provide you with plenty of death certificates. You’ll need this for probate, insurance, bank accounts etc.

Hopefully you have a signed original of her will.

If you have to go through probate you almost have to get a lawyer. I’m going through probate now with my dads estate. I’m lucky as my wife is an attorney. I could never have gotten through on my own.
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Most immediately do you know if there’s a plan for her funeral and burial or cremation? I’m forever grateful that my dad did that planning in advance, it didn’t solve all the issues with the funeral vultures, but it went a long way in helping. If this isn’t already done, see what funds your mom has to do it now, and know it’s fine to keep it simple and not get swindled into expensive options.
And do you know plans for mom’s house? Will brother be moving out or do you plan to have him buy out your share and him remain there?
I’ve found that estate attorneys aren’t horribly expensive and their time is worth paying for, they tend to think of things I wouldn’t have considered
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Call The Neptune Society in your area for a consultation in your home. They provide a cremation service (if you're ok with that) and it's all inclusive; when your mom passes, you call Neptune. They send someone out immediately and take over from there. My parents signed up with them about 10 years ago for a very modest fee, I want to say $2500 per person at that time, and they did a great job when my dad passed away in 2015. They were very professional and handled everything with ease and speed.

As far as handling the division of her assets, I wouldn't have the first clue about that since I'm an only child and everything my folks had was put into my name in 2014. I just wanted to address the cremation portion of the matter.

Good luck!
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Compassionate5 Nov 2020
Just an FYI here in SoCal. I prepaid my cremation and my sister's (dementia) for $950. each. This process starts the minute they are notified a death has occurred and they provide 2 or 3 death certificates.
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Are mom's bank accounts only in her name or is your name also on the accounts? If only in her name, then you probably need to get added to the accounts before she passes.
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You had some great advice from others here. I would recommend a consult with an attorney. Well worth the time and fee. My dad had a trust so of course we met with his trust attorney to find out our next steps and it was so valuable. I did get the EIN for dad online but there were some questions I didn’t know how to answer so our financial advisor helped there. If you have a CPA that does your taxes they could also help.
when I knew dad was nearing death I began to make a checklist of all the people I needed to notify, for instance, his rental insurance required by the facility where he lived, his pension, his magazine subscriptions, forwarded his mail to my home, his drug and health insurance plan, stock companies, and eventually I will close his credit card and bank. Right now they remain open as we haven’t closed the estate and I am on both of them.
the funeral home handles notifying social security which includes Medicare and will order the death certificates. Figure out how many you will need as they aren’t free.
as for a funeral, dad was 98+ and we had it prepaid. But since it was closed casket there was no need for embalming. So you can avoid that fee if you aren’t cremating. We had a simple gravesite service that we did and a few family attended. Played some hymns he liked and it was meaningful. It is good you are thinking about this now.
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In addition to what others have written, now is a good time to write your mother's obituary and a eulogy. Check to see that there are finances for her memorial service and burial/cremation services.
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Get your ducks in a row now. The POA will be invalid at her death. If you are not a co-owner on her bank accounts you will not be able to use the funds. Consider contacting the attorney who drew up the will for device. Or see if a local law school has a free service for advice.

I was executor for my dad. I contacted a friends brother who is an attorney. He gave me a free consultation. Dad left everything to Mom and had pretty minimal assets so we didn’t need to go to probate.

The funeral home will get the death certificate and send it to you. Get several copies to send with applications for redeeming life insurance, etc. The bank will probably want one to close out accounts. And if you need to sell real property you will need proof of ownership.

You will need to notify Social Security and any agency that may be providing a pension, IRA, or other income producing investments. Some might want a death certificate too. The Life Insurance company responded pretty quickly as most people need that money for funeral expenses.
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I would assume that MC has the name of the Funeral Home you will use. When Mom passes, MC will contact the home to pick her up. If you have prepaid and planned her funeral you are OK there. If not, then that will be your first step staying within ur States COVID restrictions. Funeral homes supply the death certificates and notify SS of the death. This takes care if Medicare too. Pensions will be your responsibility to notify of the death.

In my state its 9 or 10 days before you can probate the Will. You will take the Will to the County Probate office to have it filed. You will get a copy and pay a fee for a Short Certificate which will give u the authority to get to Moms financial accts and work with creditors. I did all the footwork when it came to getting tax IDs for the state and Federal governments. Probate should give you all the info needed. Since you and brother are the only beneficiaries, you may not have to Probate. All depends on the size of Moms estate.

The only reason I got a lawyer is because my brother inherited the house and didn't want it so paperwork needed to be drawn up for the house to go back to the estate. He was a family friend so from that point he took over. He made sure all my paperwork was in order. Handled the sale of the house and did the final accounting. His fees were paid by the sale of the house. If you and brother can agree on everything, you may not need a lawyer.

I do see maybe the house being a problem if you plan on turning over ur half to brother? Having him buy you out? Sell and split the proceeds? This you may need a lawyer for.

Don't let yourself get overwhelmed. Probate does not happen overnight. In my State you can't close out for at least 8 months. You have to give creditors time to make any claims on the estate. For me, Mom was gone 2 months before I even started Probate. So don't get ahead of yourself. One step at a time.
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Frances73 Nov 2020
Good point. We were advised to keep my parents joint checking account open for a year after his death in case we got a payment that needed to be deposited into his account.
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You can ask the Nursing home and they will do what is automatically done which is the body will be picked up and if you're going to have her cremated then you decide where and tell them the her remains would be picked up by you or it can be mailed to you which will be in a very small box that you can buy an urn to keep the ashes in or you can spread them.

Yoy should make a copy of the Will and discuss with your brother what his plans are since, no doubt you want the home sold so you can get your half of the home price.

If your brother wants to continue living in the home, he will need to pay you half of the homes value.

You could discuss it now abs tell him you'll have a Realtor come out to evaluate the home so your brother can see if he has the half up front to pay you for your share of the home or if it will be sold and the proceeds split between the two of you.

Your moms bank accounts should already have yours or your brother's name on them or at least have POD which is payable upon death and all you would need to get the money out is to show them a copy of the death certificate.

All estates will be prorated but it doesn't take thst long or expense when there is a will unless anyone in the will fights it.
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When my dad passed this year I found a simple and direct list on google. It was a great help. We had no need for an attorney because my mother is still living. As hard as a death is its worse when you are not prepared.
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