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I just can’t figure out what my wife will remember....especially short term memory....


Sometimes she easily recalls a previous discussion we just had..and sometimes not.....sometimes short term memory issues are more prominent.


I never know what to expect...

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I think our minds store information in different places and we contact
the information by putting it all together. If one part is broken, it can't go together and make complete sense. I find that my mom stays in a conversation easily if it is quiet with just the two of us and it is something she knows - facts, personal experiences from long ago or other kinds of knowledge, like how to do things such as make her bed, clean up her room, read, or even how to be kind and polite to people. But anything that happens outside of her general knowledge or people she didn't know in the past, she can't follow, understand, and can't remember. She can't learn new things, unless she makes them up. She always remembers what she imagines and repeats it exactly in exactly the same words over and over for months. I also find that her memory is better sometimes than others. When she's been upset or confused her memory is worse. But, in general, just as you say, there is no way to know what to expect.
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Timyom, all I can say is “one day at a time”. Accept her for what she is on that particular day and go with it. Don’t tax your brain by trying to figure out what she remembers and doesn’t remember. Humor her for what she says about what she does remember. It’s not an easy “dance”, but a necessary one.
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Good responses below. My mom is 90 and just starting to be more forgetful and easily confused. The hardest adjustment is remembering she is the same person but with different abilities now. Before I realized she was having some cognitive issues I would "rib" her about her forgetfulness and confusion. I definitely regret that now and make sure to help her retain her dignity and preemptively organize her day and leave notes so to reduce the impact of memory malfunctions. For instance, she will still shop for items and cook dinner for us but now I have to be very specific about how I describe the items on the grocery list, like the brand, size, flavor, etc. Sometimes I will re-write the recipe instructions so she can follow them easier. It works for now and we are each blessed. Peace to you as you journey down this path together!
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Ahmijoy Sep 2019
What a beautiful answer, and how lucky your mother is to have you! ❤️
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Thanks for all the helpful responses....
Some mornings start easy......some are very challenging....
if she is in an agitated mood...then I am the target and at fault....I am doing much better at dealing with it and just ride the wave of me being at fault..but sometimes I just don’t want to own it...especially if I have no clue as to what she is talking about....today after she calmed down...she apologized....which is nice...
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My former FIL was very distressed when his wife, who has Alzheimer's disease, would say that she was afraid because there was a stranger in the house, and it was obvious that he was "the stranger" of whom she was frightened.
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Hi Tim. I agree with the other posts. One day at a time and really enjoy the good days. I know it’s difficult from each day to the next because our LO’s behavior can vary greatly. If you were and/or are still trying to be a planner and be prepared, some days that is just not possible. Go with the flow, let the negative comments roll off. My Mom got very aggravated tonight for no apparent reason. Not apparent to me but I don’t have this horrible disease that is disrupting my memories and interfering with my cognition. Who if afflicting with this disease would not be aggravated and frustrated? BTW, my Moms aggravation soon passed and we had some good laughs after that. Your wife is lucky to have you. Cherish those good moments.
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