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A couple of days she is almost normal... then she starts laying in the floor, soaking wet from urine. I keep trying to help her up, but she refuses. She becomes very mean and hurtful. I have no one to help and this has been going on for 5 years. She became worse after my father died. HELP!

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Certainly you realize this isn’t normal and you should risk injury to yourself in attempting to lift her from the floor. If she can’t or won’t get up call 911 and have paramedics get her up, evaluate her medical condition and see if she needs transport to the hospital. You shouldn’t be subjected to bad treatment. Sounds like she needs more care than you can provide, and that’s okay, you’re only one person
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Daughterof1930 Nov 2020
“shouldn’t risk injury” she typed....
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I think there is a lot more going on, medically, with your mother than simple incontinence if she's lying on the floor in a soaking wet Depends. Has she been evaluated for dementia/Alzheimer's? If not, I would get her into the doctor right away for a full work up. If she doesn't want to go, use an excuse like it's required by Medicare to have a yearly physical. Speak to her doctor beforehand and alert him or her to the odd situation that's happening with your mother. Being mean, hurtful and incontinent are all signs of dementia. Don't hesitate to call 911 the next time she's lying on the floor & you can't get her up. The ER can order her a psych evaluation and you can go from there.

If you haven't already read up on the subject, I'd do that so you can keep an eye out for other signs and symptoms based on your mother's behaviors.

Go to Alzheimers.org for a great source of information and support. They even have an 800 phone number if you want to speak to a person about it.

Good luck!
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norespect16 Nov 2020
thank you Lealonnie1.... I just feel so helpless.  we live in a very rural town and I have no one to help me.  Sure, everyone says "if you need any help, let me know"  but.....

thanks for the info..  I have been checking into hospice in home care, but they haven't called me back after 2 weeks...
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She does need more and I'm hoping I can provide that for her.   I have called hospice in home care and they still haven't returned my call from the initial consult..  I have been disabled since 2011 and have taken care of my bedridden father and now my mother.  It is very hard and I don't have anyone that can help, if even for a day or a couple of hours...  thanks for your reply
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If this is new behavior, has your Mom been evaluated for a bladder infection? UTI can cause very bad mental changes.
If this is simply a matter of you have been doing this one on one care now for 5 years and you cannot go on then it is time to consult the doctors and have your elder placed in care. Covid times make that difficult right now, but it can be done, and most easily done from a hospital setting. This behavior is dramatic enough that an ambulance can be called for transport to hospital. Once in your community hospital ask to speak to a social worker and tell her you cannot safely continue to care for your mother in your own home. She can help with placement better and more quickly than you could do it on your own, and help you negotiate getting together her assets, and paperwork, and possibly applications for medicaid.
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